“We used to have such great sex" is one of the most common things I hear from clients as a sex therapist and coach.
Along with this confession usually comes grief, shame, and worry that something important to them is lost forever.
In this episode, I explore the science of sexual nostalgia: why remembering past sexual connection can sometimes help rekindle desire — and why, in other cases, it can actually make things worse.
I also include a free exercise toward the end to help you revisit past positive sex memories and increase desire.
We talk about:
- Why remembering “how it used to be” can either ignite desire or shut it down
- When nostalgia becomes a resource — and when it turns into grief
- How sexual turn-ons can become turn-offs, and what to do if that happens for you
- A guided, free exercise to ignite desire by diving into sexual nostalgia
Chapters:
01:41 What is Sexual Nostalgia?
04:09 Study Overview: Sexual Nostalgia & Satisfaction
04:43 Attachment Styles & Nostalgia
05:33 When Nostalgia Helps vs. Hurts
08:41 Clinical Insights: Attachment & Desire
12:05 Using Nostalgia as a Tool, Not a Time Machine
12:39 How Turn-Ons Change Over Time & What To Do About It
17:41 Nostalgia vs. Fantasy
19:53 Guided Exercise: Access Desire Through Memory
21:21 Interpreting Your Response to the Exercise
24:27 Closing Thoughts & How to Get Support
The study discussed in this episode is Rose Colored Glasses: An Exploration of the Relationship between Sexual Nostalgia and Sexual Satisfaction by Thompson et al., published in The Journal of Sex Research.
Download the free exercise Access Desire Through Memory.
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Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.
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