S2 Episode 22: When Your Brain Is Both All-In and Checked Out
Many adults with ADHD know the pattern from the inside: someone or something lights everything up, and months later the spark goes flat for reasons nobody can name. This episode is for the person who has quietly decided "I can only love things that are new," and for the partner who remembers being lit up and wonders whether it was ever really about them.
Blaze explains why it's far less personal than it feels. In many ADHD nervous systems, attention follows interest rather than importance, and novelty is one of the strongest drivers of interest there is. A new relationship is close to pure novelty. Over time you succeed: you build a life and come to know each other, and known is the least stimulating state a relationship can be in. The drop isn't a loss of love, though it has a real cost: shame for one partner and loneliness for the other.
Through Akiko's story, the episode takes that sentence apart. She had kept friendships for 20 years and the same work for 15. What fades for everyone is the feeling of newness. What helped was small and unromantic: asking her husband one question she didn't already know the answer to, and putting unfamiliar outings on the calendar on purpose.
One Emotional Takeaway: The early spark was real. What's left is the part you get to choose on purpose, every day.
Weekly Companion Blog Post: ADHD Object Permanence: Out of Sight, Not Out of Love → loveontheautismspectrum.com/adhd-object-permanence/
Weekly Substack Reflection: The Honeymoon Phase Was Never the Real Marriage → blazelazarony.substack.com/p/the-honeymoon-phase-was-never-the
#ADHDRelationships #ADHDLove #NoveltyAndAttention #NeurodiverseCouples #ChoosingEachOther #LoveOnTheAutismSpectrum
🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES
Start here — the free guide that gently names the pattern: ✨ You're Not Too Much. You're Just Alone in the Repair. → link.blazelazarony.com/youre-not-too-much
Ready to talk? Book a FREE 20-minute "Clarity & Connection" Zoom session: 📅 link.blazelazarony.com/Book-C-and-C-Zoom
Explore more tools, relationship guidance, and weekly blog posts at: 🌐 loveontheautismspectrum.com
Catch up on more episodes: 🎧 loveontheautismspectrum.com/podcast
Read deeper reflections and behind-the-scenes writing on Substack: ✉️ blazelazarony.substack.com
For behind-the-scenes reflections and bonus content, follow along on Instagram: 📸 @BlazeLazarony
The book — daily reflections for coming home to who you really are: 📚 Unmasked Self-Acceptance → amazon.com/dp/B0GLGX2HFK
This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. Listening does not create a therapeutic relationship or provide individualized advice.
Barbara (Blaze) Lazarony, MA, LMFT #151788, is licensed in California. All examples are fictional and used for illustration only.
If you're experiencing a mental health crisis, please call 988 or contact local emergency services.
