8 years hiding an eating disorder | my recovery story

"The fear of staying in this forever became greater than the fear of change."Content note: this episode talks openly about eating disorders and recovery. No specific behaviours are discussed, but please look after yourself while you listen.For every year of my twenties, I had an eating disorder. Every birthday I wished this would be the year it stopped, and every year the shame got heavier. This year I finally told someone and got help. This episode isn't about what bulimia took from me. It's about eating disorder recovery, what I got back, and why the things I was most scared of losing turned out to be the opposite.If you've been quietly struggling with your relationship with food, telling yourself it's "not bad enough" to get help, or you're scared that recovery means losing your discipline and your identity, I want this episode to take some of that fear away. Scary things aren't bad things.If you've ever felt like your eating disorder is the only thing keeping you in control, this episode is for you!In this episode we cover:- Why I was so scared of recovery, and why everything I feared ended up being false- How disordered eating can hide behind discipline, routine and "looking healthy"- Telling the difference between your eating disorder voice and your healthy self- Why there's no light bulb moment, and what actually helped me heal- Keeping discipline in recovery by channelling it into the rest of your life- Your questions: intuitive eating, food noise vs an eating disorder, and whether bodybuilding was to blameIf you're struggling, you don't have to do this alone. In Australia, you can contact the Butterfly Foundation on 1800 33 4673. Wherever you are, please reach out to your local eating disorder support service or someone you trust 🤍Connect with me 💌👩🏼‍💻 Enquiries: morgan.eld.rett@gmail.com📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindsetloungepodcast/📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/morganeldrett/📲 Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@morgan.eldrett?_r=1&_t=ZS-94yTIxHuFrE🖥️ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@morganeldrettTIMESTAMPS:00:00 – Intro: a wish every birthday02:20 – Why this episode is about recovery03:40 – An eating disorder nobody could see07:00 – Why I was so scared to get help20:50 – No light bulb moment: what actually helped24:30 – Keeping discipline, pointing it somewhere new29:45 – Shame, secrecy, and "it's not bad enough"31:25 – Telling someone for the first time35:35 – Your questions: tracking, intuitive eating and food noise44:50 – Was bodybuilding the cause?