Nearly seven years sober, Samantha picked up half a glass of wine and felt one thought rise from her gut: "Here we go." Her AA talk follows the two years that came next and the actions that helped her stay sober after returning.
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Samantha's sobriety date is September 5, 1995, but her first experience of recovery came through teenage treatment in 1983. Raised in Arcadia as the youngest of four children and the only one adopted, she remembers feeling different and being the person who persuaded others to follow her into trouble. A later stretch of nearly seven years sober ended after she stopped going to meetings and picked up half a glass of wine. Her immediate thought was "Here we go," and the next two years brought 11 arrests, three psychiatric admissions, and a life that eventually took her to Atlanta. A former sponsor directed her to a women's recovery home in Santa Barbara, and the man who supplied her drugs drove her across the country and paid for her stay. Even after being asked to leave the home at 60 days, she stayed sober while couch surfing, with AA members getting her to a 6:45 a.m. meeting and old-timers who could meet her anger without being scared of her. Samantha describes the Twelve Steps as a meal she needs to take as it is served, and stresses that remembering a terrible bottom alone will not keep her sober. She wants tools for living, not just surviving. Returning to school and entering law school are part of that new life, but a painful sober divorce exposes another difficulty: she can forgive what she did drinking more readily than mistakes made in recovery. She talks about learning not to ignore warning signs just because she wants something to work out, jokes about needing ten-minute chips for emotional sobriety, and describes sponsors and sober friends as spiritual chiropractors who keep bringing her back into alignment. This frank, funny AA talk connects Step One, surrender, family boundaries, fellowship, and willingness with the ongoing work of accepting her own humanness and learning to live sober.
Samantha M. from Santa Barbara, CA speaking at the Third Tradition Speaker Meeting in Studio City, CA - November 16th 2005
Music: Deep by KaizanBlu
