Roz's sponsor called her a beautiful flower and a garden variety drunk. After years of wanting to be anybody but herself, AA helped her find both self-respect and the freedom to be one member among many.
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Roz recalls growing up in an Orthodox Jewish family, losing her father before she was six, and facing antisemitic bullying after her family moved to England. Long before her first drink, she desperately wanted to be anybody but herself. Alcohol seemed to offer a way to run away while standing still, but blackouts, changing identities, moves around New York, and increasingly dangerous circumstances followed. Her first AA meeting was an accidental encounter on Christmas Eve: she thought she had found choir practice before midnight Mass, only to hear someone introduce herself as an alcoholic. Years later, with nowhere else to go, she began attending the Mustard Seed group across from her apartment. Her last drink was on Christmas Eve 1975. Early sobriety was slow and awkward: she brought expensive cookies so nobody could say she had received something for nothing, struggled to choose a dish drainer, and filled her apartment with 174 plants. A sponsor gave her a T-shirt reading "My Sponsor Says No," helping her set boundaries before she could say no for herself. Meetings and fellowship gave her somewhere to be, while step meetings became the place where she learned to change. Service grew to include Intergroup phones, prison meetings, detox work, sponsorship, and Young People's AA, but eventually another member challenged her to remember that AA was a bridge back to life. Roz describes the Twelve Steps as chiseling away everything that was not really her, including the fear that kept her from coming out as a lesbian. She shares the happiness and work of a 15-year sober partnership, with separate sponsors and meetings, and a move to Denver to be closer to her brother's children. There, away from her old AA reputation, she began learning to be a worker among workers and a member among members. This frank, funny AA talk connects sponsorship, the Steps, service, and humility with learning to live comfortably as herself.
Roz B. from Denver, CO speaking at the Sacramento gay/lesbian "River City Roundup" - November 7th 1998
Music: Deep by KaizanBlu
