Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I should be over this by now"? Maybe an old fear or insecurity shows up, and instead of just feeling it, you feel bad about feeling that way.
Most of us were taught that hard feelings — shame, envy, anger, boredom — are problems to be solved or character flaws to fix. And when they don't go away, we pile on a second layer of distress. But my guest today says that's exactly where we go wrong. The goal isn't to get rid of hard feelings. It's to get more curious about them.
My guest is Daniel Smith, a writer turned therapist whose new book is called Hard Feelings.
Some of the things we discuss are:
Why hard feelings aren't problems to solve — and what happens when you stop trying to optimize them away
Why shame is the master uncomfortable emotion, and how it often gets passed down through families in silence
The trap of asking "why do I feel this way?" — and the better question that actually helps
Why decades of personal work doesn't make old anxieties disappear
The hidden cost of the positivity industry — and how well-meaning advice can become unintentionally shaming
What boredom, envy, and even anger are trying to teach you if you're willing to listen
The difference between sitting with a feeling and needing to shift one — and how to know which moment calls for which
The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for getting curious about hard feelings starting today
Related Episodes
224 - 8 Myths About Feelings That Can Sabotage Your Emotional Intelligence
148 — How to Take Charge of Your Feelings
Links & Resources
Hard Feelings
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