#152: On today's episode, psychotherapist and founder of Therapy in the City, joins the podcast for a conversation about what it actually means to heal.
So many of us spend our lives chasing happiness while trying to avoid pain, but what if the very thing we're resisting is what allows us to experience the deepest joy?
Aliza explains why healing isn't about becoming happy all the time, but about learning to embrace the full human experience. The girls unpack why discomfort isn't something to escape, why uncertainty is one of life's greatest teachers, and how letting go of control can completely transform the way we experience life. The girls get into:
- why pain is required for joy
- why avoiding your emotions creates more suffering
- processing your feelings instead of escaping them
- accepting the full human experience
- embracing life's dualities
- why happiness isn't the goal of healing
- letting go of control and embracing uncertainty
- why some people naturally experience emotions more intensely
- the Biosocial Theory and why mental health isn't always rooted in trauma
- why you are not your thoughts, emotions, or past experiences
- the difference between your first thought and your second thought (more on rewiring the brain)
- why high achievers often struggle to feel their emotions
- slowing down, stillness, and the power of the pause
- understanding shame and where it stems from
- what Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is and how it helps us heal
- psychology and spirituality... why healing requires both
- redefining what true joy actually looks like
- dating, attachment styles, and choosing relationships that align with your values
& MORE!
This episode is for anyone who struggles to relinquish control, finds themselves in patterns of emotional avoidance, or is constantly chasing happiness while resisting pain. If you've ever felt overwhelmed by uncertainty, uncomfortable emotions, or the inevitable ups and downs of life, this conversation will completely reframe what healing actually looks like. Because true joy isn't found in avoiding pain... it's found in learning how to hold both.
TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 – Introduction
01:09 – What actually brings people to therapy?
04:49 – Feeling emotions deeply and learning how to process them
05:53 – The Biosocial Theory: Why some people feel emotions more intensely
07:03 – Healing isn't only for people with trauma
08:04 – You are not your thoughts, emotions, or past experiences
09:38 – Stop trying to control what you can't control
10:39 – Why healing is about beginning again
13:29 – Learning to embrace uncertainty
16:48 – Why happiness isn't the destination
17:19 – Why pain is required for joy
18:05 – Emotional avoidance: Why avoiding your feelings creates more suffering
20:26 – You can be self-aware and still be emotionally unavailable
21:40 – Logic vs. emotion: Learning to actually feel
23:01 – The science behind emotions and slowing them down
24:11 – The healing power of the pause, silence, and stillness
27:01 – Shame, secrecy, and why they always go together
27:48 – What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)?
34:40 – Becoming comfortable with life's ambiguity
36:15 – Psychology, spirituality, and trusting something bigger than yourself
37:25 – The three things anxiety usually comes back to
38:42 – Why external achievement can never replace internal healing
40:27 – What is joy, really?
48:21 – Dating, attachment, and choosing relationships that align with your values
CONNECT BELOW:
Follow Aliza here
Visit Therapy in the City here
CONNECT WITH HAN:
follow Han here
follow HOW I SEE IT here
follow Han on Substack here
watch HOW I SEE IT on YouTube here
shop the podcast merch here
work with Han: howhanseesit@gmail.com
