If you've ever sat across from someone you care about and felt your body go on high alert, unsure whether you're in danger or just remembering what danger used to feel like, this conversation is for you. I sat down with Amy Fiedler, Certified Trauma Support Specialist and relationship educator who has helped more than 2,000 clients worldwide understand how past trauma continues to shape their relationships, to talk about hypervigilance: how to recognize it, how to work with it, and how to finally tell the difference between an old wound and a present-day reality.
Amy and I get into how relational trauma quietly pulls us toward what's familiar instead of what's good for us, how to identify the values that can actually guide our choices, and what it really takes, beyond a quick "I'm sorry," to repair trust after rupture. This one is honest, practical, and full of permission for anyone who's ever been told they're too much.
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Top Episode Quotes:
"What's familiar seems safe in our heads, but familiar and safe are not the same thing." - Amy Fiedler
"You are never asking for too much. Unless you're asking for something like a hundred thousand dollars a day, in terms of our emotional needs, that's very different." - Amy Fiedler
"The minute you catch yourself eliminating the ands, I want more communication, and I'm okay if I don't always get it right, that shows you growth." - Amy Fiedler
"We don't fully heal and move on to the next thing. It's a part of you. It's created what you want now. So lean into that." - Amy Fiedler
"If they don't know why they did it or said it, there's no chance at them changing it. There's none." - Amy Fiedler
hypervigilance, relational trauma, nervous system regulation, trauma healing, attachment healing, self trust, boundaries, codependency, relationship values, survival mode, somatic healing, inner child healing, self worth, apology and accountability, trust rebuilding, emotional regulation, trauma informed relationships, deep within podcast, Amy Fiedler
