You decided to stay after the affair.
At first, things seemed to be improving. You were communicating better, rebuilding trust, and perhaps even beginning to feel hopeful about the future.
You started to believe you'd made the right decision.
But then things became difficult again.
And suddenly you're asking yourself:
Was staying a mistake?
After betrayal, it's easy to judge our decisions based on how things are going right now. A good month can reassure us that we made the right choice. A difficult week can leave us questioning everything.
But what if the outcome of a decision isn't quite as straightforward as right or wrong?
In this episode of After the Affair, Luke explores four ways we make decisions, why our values can provide a more reliable foundation than fear or other people's opinions, and why the point at which we assess a decision can completely change our perspective.
Drawing on an old Chinese parable about a farmer, his horses and the unpredictable nature of fortune, Luke challenges the idea that we can always determine whether a decision was right simply by looking at what happened afterwards.
In this episode:
- The four ways we make decisions: emotion, other people's opinions, chance and values
- Why making a decision based on your values doesn't guarantee the outcome you want
- How the same decision can feel right one month and wrong the next
- Why the timing of your assessment changes how you interpret the outcome
- The difference between making a good decision and getting a good result
- Why changing direction doesn't necessarily mean your original decision was a mistake
You can make a thoughtful, responsible decision and still experience an outcome you didn't want.
Equally, you can make a poor decision and get lucky.
The question isn't always whether you made the right decision.
Sometimes a more useful question is:
What does what I know now tell me about what I should do next?
Because you can't expect your past self to have known everything your present self knows.
And you don't have to declare your original decision a mistake in order to make a different one today.
If you're struggling to decide whether to stay, leave or continue rebuilding your relationship after infidelity, you can find out more about working with Luke through the links in the show notes.
And if this episode resonates, consider sharing it with somebody who's questioning a difficult decision of their own.
Connect with Luke:
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