Have you ever walked away from a conversation after betrayal and immediately thought, "Why did I say that?"
Maybe anger took over. You said something cutting, threatened to leave, or tried to make your partner understand just how much they'd hurt you.
But there's another kind of regret too.
"Why didn't I say what I was really thinking?"
You stayed quiet. Kept the peace. Swallowed what you wanted to say. And hours later, you're still having the conversation in your head.
In this episode, I explore both ends of that communication spectrum: reacting and suppressing. Because although they look completely different, they often have something important in common - you're allowing discomfort to make the decision for you.
We'll also look at the difference between communicating what you think and what you feel, why honesty doesn't require saying every thought that enters your head, and how to create enough space between emotion and action to choose how you actually want to show up.
Because a feeling is a notification.
It's not an instruction.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why saying too much and saying nothing can come from the same underlying problem.
- The difference between communication and emotional discharge.
- Why silence isn't always emotional regulation, sometimes it's fear or avoidance.
- How confusing thoughts and feelings can cause conversations to completely miss the point.
- Why "I feel like you don't care" isn't actually a feeling.
- How to be honest without using "brutal honesty" as permission to be hurtful.
- Why "not yet" can be a powerful alternative to reacting or suppressing.
- One question to ask yourself before a difficult conversation: "How do I want to feel about the way I handled this tomorrow?"
A question to consider
Which end of the spectrum do you tend to move towards when emotions are high?
Do you react… saying things because the feeling needs somewhere to go?
Or do you suppress… keeping quiet because you're afraid of what might happen if you speak?
The goal isn't to become quieter or more outspoken.
It's to become someone who chooses.
Work with Luke
Learn more about my 1:1 coaching and the After the Affair Collective at lifecoachluke.com.
And if the podcast helps you, make sure you're following the show so you don't miss future episodes. If you know someone who regularly finds themselves thinking either "I wish I hadn't said that" or "I wish I'd spoken up", consider sharing this episode with them too.
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