"Getting help and offering it up are not mutually exclusive." ~ Pat Millea
- Does "offering it up" mean you're not allowed to also go to the doctor, take medication, or see a therapist?
- Is it possible to chase suffering in a way that's actually about proving something to yourself instead of uniting yourself to Christ?
- Where's the line between the grit that gets you through a hard season and the grit that's quietly eroding you?
In episode 108 of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea take on a phrase most Catholics have heard their whole lives but rarely stop to unpack: offering it up. Rather than presenting a tidy answer, they treat this episode as a genuine exploration, working through scripture, papal writing, and their own uncertainty to figure out what this phrase actually means and where it can go wrong.
They start with Colossians 1:24 and the concept of redemptive suffering, the idea that our suffering, when united to Christ's, takes on a meaning it wouldn't have on its own. From there they turn to Pope John Paul II's Salvifici Doloris and Pope Benedict XVI's Spe Salvi to wrestle with a harder question: is it ever unholy to try to reduce your own suffering, or is chasing pain itself, without love, its own kind of distortion?
The conversation gets especially honest around the danger of over-suffering, the belief that if you're not in constant discomfort you're somehow failing spiritually, and the very real ways this thinking can keep people stuck in bad jobs, unhealthy relationships, or situations they have every reason to leave. They land on a distinction they return to throughout the episode: getting help and offering it up are not mutually exclusive.
This episode is for anyone who has felt guilty for wanting relief, or anyone who has used the phrase "offer it up" without fully knowing what they meant by it.
Chapters:
- (00:31) - Welcome, Summer Confessions Game, and Highs and Hards
- (22:31) - Defining Offering It Up: Redemptive Suffering and Colossians 1:24
- (31:19) - Salvifici Doloris: Does Suffering Have to Be Sought to Be Redemptive?
- (35:23) - Is Suffering Automatically Holy? The Line Between Grit and Denial
- (46:04) - The Danger of Over-Suffering and When It Becomes Unhealthy
- (50:30) - Getting Help and Offering It Up Are Not Mutually Exclusive
- (1:02:03) - Challenge by Choice and Closing Prayer
Links and Resources:
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Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.
