Jason and Lana explore discernment counseling — a short-term, evidence-based process designed for couples on the brink of divorce or separation, where one partner is "leaning out" and the other is "leaning in."
Timestamps
0:00 — Introduction & guest overview
2:20 — What is discernment counseling?
2:33 — The leaning out vs. leaning in dynamic
4:07 — Up to 5 sessions: how the process works
5:09 — Does discernment counseling involve both partners?
5:59 — What happens in the first session
6:40 — Does the counselor have an agenda?
9:44 — Top reasons couples consider divorce today
10:58 — Growing apart: the #1 cause
14:21 — What does success look like in discernment counseling?
29:23 — The personal agenda for change
34:04 — "Divorce is never an emergency" (Bill Doherty)
36:12 — Research outcomes: the 3 paths (53% / 31% / 16%)
44:52 — Script for the leaning-out partner: how to start the conversation
46:29 — Script for the leaning-in partner: how to respond
50:23 — Avoiding "half-hearted" couples therapy
53:50 — Active affairs: how discernment counseling differs from couples therapy
58:53 — How to get started: clarity call with Lana
Notable Quotes
"Success isn't whether a couple decides to stay together — it's whether both partners learned something really valuable about their relationship and themselves."
"Divorce is never an emergency." — Bill Doherty
"The natural drift of contemporary married life… is toward less spark, less connection, less intimacy." — from Take Back Your Marriage by Bill Doherty
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