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When a conversation gets heated, it’s not just awkward, it’s biological. Your body gears up for threat, your thoughts get narrow, and suddenly you’re saying things you don’t mean or going quiet when you want to connect. Recording on location at a conference, I share a quick, practical framework I come back to again and again as a psychologist: CALM.
CALM stands for Catch your breath, Adjust your face, Lean in, and Make it meaningful. We start with the fastest reset you can use anywhere: an intentional breath, including a simple box breathing pattern that helps your logical brain come back online. Then we talk about nonverbal communication and why “fix your face” isn’t a joke. Your expression can accidentally escalate a high conflict conversation, especially with anxious partners, kids, or teens who read your cues as anger even when you’re not mad.
From there, we move into the part most people skip: tolerating discomfort. Leaning in doesn’t mean forcing a hard talk at the worst moment, it means staying curious and present when emotions are big and you’re tempted to avoid. Finally, we focus on what makes a hard moment meaningful: listening without interrupting, fixing, or rushing. If you want therapy-informed tools for emotional regulation, conflict de-escalation, and better communication skills, this is a strong place to start.
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This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.
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