Gender Disappointment Isn't What You Think | The Truth About Grief & Hope - Psychology, Actually | Lyssna här

Can you deeply love the child you have and still grieve the child you imagined? That shame-filled question is far more common than you think. In this episode of Psychology, Actually, Dr Marianne Trent is joined by Dr Nina Francis to explore why gender disappointment might be the wrong term and how RIFIs, Rupture of an Imagined Future due to infant sex, better explain the grief, identity, dark hope, and limerence many parents experience. Dr Nina shares her personal story, her PhD research, the 7-stage model towards acceptance, and what a truly helpful response from a GP, midwife or psychologist sounds like.

Learn more about Dr Nina and her work here: https://www.gender-disappointment.com/ Free Guide & Webinar Dr Nina mentioned is here: https://www.gender-disappointment.com/free-webinar

#GenderDisappointment #ParentalMentalHealth #Grief #griefsupport

🎧 Listen to the What is EMDR episode mentioned in this episode here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z31WJPk8jjk&t=1s or listen here: https://player.captivate.fm/episode/5354da94-8907-4654-b17b-000862a790e5/

Highlights

00:00 Introduction: Loving your child while grieving the child you imagined
00:34 Quick-fire questions about gender disappointment
02:08 What not to say to someone experiencing it
02:56 Stigma, misunderstanding and shame
03:09 Why “gender disappointment” may be the wrong term
05:00 The rupture of an imagined future
07:12 Why imagined futures can be so powerful
08:27 Grief, longing and bargaining
09:54 Nina’s personal experience
14:39 Why gender disappointment can create shame
16:44 Cultural expectations around boys and girls
18:22 Grief, hope, dark hope and limerence
19:00 Understanding grief 20:00 When hope becomes dark
21:30 What is limerence?
22:57 The imagined future and identity
24:32 How healthcare professionals can respond
27:49 A compassionate question to ask
28:53 Nina’s model and moving towards acceptance
32:01 What parents experiencing this need to hear
33:40 About Nina’s book, Gender Disappointment
35:19 Final thoughts

Links:

📲 Connect with Dr Nina Francis: https://www.drninafrancis.co.uk

🫶 To join my podcast membership to get early access to episodes and support the show head to: https://the-aspiring-psychologist.captivate.fm/support or to the Apple Podcasts App: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-aspiring-psychologist-podcast/id1605628278

📚 To check out The Clinical Psychologist Collective Book: https://amzn.to/3jOplx0

📖 To check out The Aspiring Psychologist Collective Book: https://amzn.to/3CP2N97

💡 To check out or join the aspiring psychologist membership for just £30 per month head to: https://www.aspiring-psychologist.co.uk/membership

🖥️ Check out my short courses for aspiring psychologists and mental health professionals here: https://www.aspiring-psychologist.co.uk/online-courses

Ask Marianne your most pressing psychology career question and she will send you a FREE bespoke reply! Grab your free psychology success guide here and fill in the most pressing concern box: https://www.aspiring-psychologist.co.uk (scroll to the bottom of the page)

✍️ Get your FREE Supervision Shaping Tool now: https://www.aspiring-psychologist.co.uk/free-resources

📱Connect socially with Marianne and check out ways to work with her, including the Aspiring Psychologist Book, Clinical Psychologist book and The Aspiring Psychologist Membership on her Link tree: https://linktr.ee/drmariannetrent

💬 To join my free Facebook group and discuss your thoughts on this episode and more: https://www.facebook.com/groups/aspiringpsychologistcommunity

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⚠️ Disclaimer

This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It does not constitute medical, psychological, or professional advice. Any actions taken based on this content are at your own risk.

Mentioned in this episode:

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The Race to Recurring Revenue Challenge 2026

Could you earn money in ways that aren't directly tied to your time?

Race to Recurring Revenue, hosted by Sophie Foote, runs from 2–5 November 2026 and explores how you could develop ideas for passive and recurring income.

I'd love you to come along and explore what's possible for you too!

*This is my affiliate link. If you subsequently choose to purchase a paid programme through my referral, I may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. The challenge itself is completely free.

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