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You’ve done the therapy. You’ve hired a lawyer. You finally say, “I want a divorce.” Suddenly, the spouse who has spent months telling you they’re unhappy wants to stay together, try counseling, or live as roommates until the kids turn 18.
Are you allowed to still feel done when they’ve decided they’re not?
In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, comedian and marketing professional Andrea Rappaport and family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill answer a listener’s question about a spouse who reverses course on divorce—and leaves them feeling guilty, confused, and stuck in limbo.
We discuss how to separate emotional pressure from decisions about your divorce case, what to tell your attorney when your spouse suddenly wants to reconcile, and why promises to change deserve a closer look. Sometimes a wake-up call leads to real effort. Sometimes it buys more time. The question is what’s happening in your marriage—and what you want to do next.
We also explore discernment counseling, setting boundaries around repeated arguments, and the pressure to “stay together for the kids.” Turning 18 doesn’t make children immune to the effects of divorce, and choosing your next step deserves guidance specific to your family.
And because this is our show, we finish with an imaginary Starbucks partnership, emergency divorce support delivered by helicopter, and a DM that absolutely should have stayed in drafts.
In this episode, we discuss:
- What happens when you want a divorce and your spouse suddenly wants to stay married.
- How a spouse’s reversal can leave you questioning a decision you worked hard to make.
- What to discuss with your lawyer before pausing or withdrawing divorce proceedings.
- How discernment counseling differs from couples therapy.
- Looking at actions alongside promises when considering reconciliation.
- Setting boundaries when your spouse keeps debating your reasons for leaving.
- Using brief, informative, friendly, and firm communication.
- Why “wait until the kids are 18” deserves more than an automatic yes.
- Getting individual support while deciding whether to stay or go.
Episode timestamps
00:00 — You want a divorce. Suddenly, your spouse doesn’t.
01:18 — The listener’s story: “Let’s stay roommates until the kids are grown.”
02:39 — Emotional whiplash, manipulation, and feeling stuck.
05:19 — Should you keep explaining why you want to leave?
09:44 — What to tell your attorney when your spouse reverses course.
11:01 — Discernment counseling versus couples therapy.
12:19 — A genuine wake-up call—or more time to prepare?
16:21 — Stop putting your marriage on trial every night.
17:25 — Setting boundaries and keeping conflict away from the kids.
18:52 — Should you stay married until your children turn 18?
23:34 — Andrea’s experience leaving with young children.
25:59 — Planning next steps while you’re still under the same roof.
28:58 — The weekend DM we were not prepared for.
32:15 — Getting support before you move forward.
Resources to help you take the next step
Divorce Crash Course
Our private podcast and guidebook help you prepare for divorce and make more informed decisions. $50, typically $150, thanks to OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.
Guided Meditations for Divorce
When your thoughts won’t slow down, take a moment to pause, breathe, and regroup before your next difficult conversation.
OurFamilyWizard: 20% Off Your First Year
Explore tools for organizing coparenting communication, schedules, and expenses. Use our link for 20% off your first year.
Divorce Podcast Playlists
Find episodes grouped by the issues you’re navigating, so you can get to the conversations you need.
Join our private community
Visit How Not to Suck at Divorce for information about our private Facebook community and additional resources.
If this episode helped you feel less alone, follow the show, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who needs it. Have a question you’d like us to cover? Send it our way. Please keep your shirt on.
This episode provides general information, not legal or mental-health advice. Consult your own attorney and licensed mental-health professional about your circumstances.
You have got this. And we’ve got you.
Mentioned in this episode:
Our Family Wizard
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