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You’ve been out of the workforce raising your family. Now you’re getting divorced, you’re worried about money, and everyone has an opinion about when you should get a job.
Will going back to work affect your spousal support? What if childcare costs more than you’d earn? And who pays for the training, résumé help, and work clothes you need before your first paycheck?
In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill welcome Alan Feigenbaum, a matrimonial and family law partner at Blank Rome in New York City, to discuss returning to work during divorce.
Alan and Morgan explain how they evaluate work history, earning potential, caregiving responsibilities, and financial needs. They challenge the blanket advice that staying unemployed will protect your support—and discuss why accepting a job deserves a closer look than simply asking whether your support payment could decrease.
We also get into the overlooked costs of reentering the workforce, what to bring your attorney before accepting an offer, and how imputed income, vocational evaluations, and job-search records can enter the conversation. Alan shares his experience representing stay-at-home dads, including the different reactions he has encountered in court.
Expect practical next steps, a few unpopular opinions, and a very questionable conversation about what happens when a gnat lands in your coffee.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Returning to work during divorce after years as a stay-at-home parent.
- How employment income may affect alimony or spousal support.
- Why your former salary may not reflect your current earning potential.
- Evaluating childcare costs, your children’s needs, and part-time options.
- Budgeting for certifications, education, résumé services, interview coaching, work clothes, and networking.
- Reviewing a job offer’s salary, bonuses, benefits, and stock options with your attorney.
- What imputed income means and why a court may examine someone’s ability to earn.
- Job-search diaries and vocational experts.
- Stay-at-home moms, stay-at-home dads, and the stereotypes that can surface during divorce.
- Rebuilding financial independence and an identity beyond the divorce process.
Three action steps to take from this episode
1. Learn what your options actually are.
Explore realistic jobs, pay ranges, schedules, and any training you would need. You can gather information without committing to a particular path.
2. Bring your attorney an itemized budget.
List the costs associated with returning to work and gather estimates to support them. Give your lawyer specifics to evaluate rather than one unexplained total.
3. Ask your lawyer to run the numbers.
Discuss how different income scenarios could affect support and your overall finances. If you have an offer, share the full compensation package—not just the salary.
Episode timestamps
00:00 — Getting divorced and realizing you may need a job.
01:37 — The gnat-in-the-coffee debate.
03:24 — Community updates: Who is Brenda’s new boyfriend?
05:17 — Meet family-law attorney Alan Feigenbaum.
05:47 — “I’ve been home with the kids. Do I have to go back to work?”
07:36 — Why an old salary doesn’t guarantee today’s earning potential.
09:06 — Will getting a job affect spousal support?
12:39 — What if you haven’t made efforts to return to work?
14:45 — Training, credentials, and the costs of getting started.
17:25 — Build an itemized return-to-work budget.
18:49 — Childcare costs and part-time work: a case example.
24:27 — Challenging assumptions about stay-at-home parents.
26:26 — A client weighs a job offer against support concerns.
28:31 — What your lawyer needs to know about a job offer.
29:36 — Stay-at-home dads and courtroom expectations.
31:28 — Imputed income, job-search diaries, and vocational experts.
33:18 — Rapid-fire questions: overlooked expenses and common mistakes.
38:16 — Action steps for evaluating your return to work.
41:25 — Using AI without letting it send you into a spiral.
42:08 — Feeling overwhelmed and hopeful at the same time.
About our guest
Alan Feigenbaum is a partner in the matrimonial and family law practice at Blank Rome in New York City. He helps clients navigate complex financial and custody disputes, with attention to their long-term financial and family needs. He is a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and a regular contributor to the New York Law Journal.
Learn more about Alan and his work at Blank Rome.
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This episode provides general information, not legal advice. Employment and support decisions depend on your circumstances and the law in your jurisdiction. Discuss your options with your own attorney.
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