I Don't Even Know What I'm Feeling Half the Time. How Am I Supposed to Help Him Know What He's Feeling?
When you were a child — when you were scared, sad, overwhelmed or angry — what happened?
Not what should have happened. What actually happened.
For some people, someone came. Someone sat with them, helped them make sense of what they were feeling and showed them that emotions could be understood and managed.
For many others, feelings were ignored, redirected or met with discomfort. Not because they weren't loved, but because the adults around them had never been given the words either.
And then they became parents.
Parents who desperately wanted to do things differently, but often found themselves facing a child in distress and wondering what to say.
In this episode of The Resilient Kid Podcast, Ashley explores what happens when emotional language isn't passed down through generations, why some children struggle to identify and express what they are feeling, and how emotional literacy can be learned at any age.
If you've ever thought, "I don't even know what I'm feeling half the time. How am I supposed to help my child?" this episode is for you.
In This Episode
- Why emotional language matters
- What alexithymia ("no words for feelings") is and how it develops
- How children learn emotional skills from the adults around them
- The science of neuroplasticity and emotional growth
- Practical ways to build emotional literacy in your family
- How to break patterns that may have been passed through generations
Timestamps
- 00:00 — Intro: The words we were never given
- 02:00 — David and Marcus's Story, Part One — I don't know what I'm feeling
- 07:00 — The Research: Alexithymia, emotional socialisation and the neuroscience of change
- 13:00 — Top Tips: Learning the emotional language you were never taught
- 16:00 — David and Marcus's Story, Part Two — Gutting
- 20:00 — The Bigger Picture: Breaking the chain, one named feeling at a time
- 22:00 — The Close: Beginnings are everything
- 24:00 — Outro and resources
Five Key Takeaways
- Start with your own feelings before focusing on your child's.
- Use a feelings vocabulary — even if it feels awkward at first.
- Name your emotions out loud to model emotional literacy.
- Repair the moments when you get it wrong.
- Let your child know you're learning too.
Research Highlights
This episode explores the work of Daniel Siegel, Mary Hartzell, John Gottman, Allan Schore, Joseph Ciarrochi and Mark Wolynn, looking at emotional literacy, alexithymia, neuroplasticity, emotion coaching and intergenerational patterns.
Practical Resource Mentioned
The Feelings Wheel
A simple visual tool that helps children and adults identify and name emotions. Search online for a free printable version and consider putting one on the fridge for the whole family to use.
Important Note
David and Marcus are fictionalised composite characters created to protect client confidentiality while reflecting the realities many families experience.
Find the Full Show Notes
For the complete research references, recommended books, additional resources, links and extended notes, visit the Listeners' Lounge:
https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge
If This Episode Resonated
We would love to hear from you.
Please consider:
- Leaving a review to help more families and professionals find the show.
- Sharing this episode with a parent, teacher, therapist or youth worker.
- Passing it on to your team for discussion.
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