I Think This Is Me. I Think I Gave This To Them.
When your child is anxious — when the stomach aches appear on Monday mornings, when worries multiply overnight, when the school gate becomes a battleground — where do you look for the reason?
Most of us look outward. School. Friends. Social media. The state of the world.
But sometimes, and I say this with every ounce of compassion, anxiety can be closer to home than that.
In this episode of The Resilient Kid Podcast, Ashley explores how anxiety can move through families without a word being spoken. Not through blame, but through co-regulation, modelling, and the emotional atmosphere children grow up in.
If you have ever thought, "I think this is me. I think I gave this to them," this episode is for you.
In This Episode
- Why anxiety can feel contagious in families
- How children pick up on a parent's emotional state
- What research says about parental anxiety and childhood anxiety
- Why over-reassurance can sometimes make anxiety worse
- The power of doing your own emotional work as a parent
- Practical steps to support both yourself and your child
Timestamps
- 00:00 — Intro: Sometimes the thing making a child anxious is us
- 02:00 — Claire and Ellie's Story, Part One — The "Oh" Moment
- 07:00 — The Research: Co-regulation, Anxious Parenting and Intergenerational Transmission
- 13:00 — Top Tips: What to Do When You Recognise Yourself in Your Child's Struggle
- 16:00 — Claire and Ellie's Story, Part Two — She Actually Noticed
- 20:00 — The Bigger Picture: You Are Not the Reason They Are Struggling — You Are the Reason They Will Be Okay
- 22:00 — The Close
- 24:00 — Outro and Resources
Five Key Takeaways
- Get curious, not guilty.
- Regulate yourself before trying to regulate your child.
- Swap excessive reassurance for validation and encouragement.
- Your own healing work benefits your child.
- Let your child see that adults can ask for help too.
Research Highlights
This episode explores the work of Allan Schore, Stephen Porges, Lynne Murray, Daniel Siegel, Mary Hartzell and Mark Wolynn, looking at co-regulation, attachment, parental anxiety and intergenerational patterns.
Important Note
Claire and Ellie are fictionalised composite characters created to protect client confidentiality while reflecting the realities many families experience.
Find the Full Show Notes
For the complete research references, recommended books, additional resources, links and extended notes, visit the Listeners' Lounge: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge
If This Episode Resonated
We would love to hear from you.
Please consider:
- Leaving a review to help more families find the show.
- Sharing this episode with a parent, teacher, therapist or youth worker.
- Passing it on to your team for discussion.
Useful Links
Listeners' Lounge: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/loungeNewsletter Sign-up:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/shareA Parent's Guide to Raising a Resilient Kid:https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/resilientkiduk
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkid
Pinterest:https://za.pinterest.com/resilientacademyYouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957
Spotify Podcast:https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costelloWebsite:
https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk
Teachers' Guide Waitlist:ashley@theresilientkid.co.uk
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