A listener wrote to me this week with a question I hear constantly from survivors of childhood trauma: how do I clearly choose what a healthy relationship is for me? She grew up in a home where the people who were supposed to protect her didn't, and built a life on the mantra that no one is coming to save her. Now, decades into a marriage that has been more about keeping the peace than being met, she's asking the questions so many of us ask: Did I choose this person because they felt safe, not because they were healthy? Is what I'm getting enough? And am I being walked all over?

In this episode I break the question down for anyone with CPTSD who is trying to choose a partner, stay in a marriage, or decide whether to leave. We cover why survivors often pick safe over healthy without knowing the difference; why "no one is coming to save me" is both a survival truth and a trap; why healing the individual wound has to come before any relationship can be evaluated clearly; and the actual markers of a healthy relationship for someone who never saw one modeled.

This is the CPTSD podcast for adults who grew up in dysfunctional families and are done repeating the pattern in their adult relationships. I'm Dr. Tanner Wallace, former professor turned IFS Certified Practitioner, and this is what I teach inside Happily Ever After.

Want to work with me? https://cptsdmedicine.com/happilyeverafter

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