You know something's off. You're shorter with the people you love, you're not sleeping properly, and the things you used to enjoy don't do much for you anymore, yet telling someone feels harder than pushing through on your own. If that's where you're at, it doesn't make you weak, and you're not the only one. Family therapist Tham Fuyana is back on This Complex Life to talk about men, shame, and why reaching out for help can feel so hard.
Things Discussed:
- What Tham wishes more men knew about reaching out
- What to do when your mates aren't supportive of you getting help
- The aeroplane oxygen mask and why looking after yourself helps the people who rely on you
- The difference between feeling ashamed and shame
- How shame shows up in the therapy room, from shutting down to looking away
- Whose voice shame usually belongs to and why it often traces back to parents, teachers, and the people we looked up to
- How small comments like boys don't cry leave an imprint, even when people say they didn't have trauma
- The coat of family stories men inherit and why taking it off takes bravery
- Tham's experience as a dad raising mixed-race kids and the idea of a unicorn family
- Why so many men don't come back after their first session and what to expect from therapy
- What happens when someone says it's in the past and they don't want to talk about it
- Signs you might benefit from some support
- One small first step if things feel a bit off
Timestamps:
0:00 Why men aren't taught to ask for help
1:00 What Tham wishes more men knew
2:00 When your mates aren't supportive
3:00 The oxygen mask and doing things on your own
4:00 Shame versus feeling ashamed
5:00 How shame shows up in the room
6:00 Whose voice is it?
7:00 Small comments that leave an imprint
8:00 The coat boys are given
9:00 Tham's own stories as a dad
13:00 Wanting to do it differently but not knowing how
14:00 Coaches, tutors and why mental health feels different
16:00 Why men don't come back after session one
18:00 When it's in the past and they don't want to talk about it
19:00 One small step
21:00 Signs you might need support
22:00 Where to start
Resources and Links:
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About Tham
Tham Fuyana is a family therapist at The Therapy Hub in Footscray. He's a Black therapist, a husband, a dad, and a son, and his work is relationship-based, which means he considers the people in a man's life as well as the man sitting in front of him. He first came on the show to talk about intersectionality and what it's like to find a therapist who looks and sounds like you.
