You say yes before you've even thought about it. Later that night you're lying awake, going over it, annoyed at them and even more annoyed at yourself. You don't want to be the difficult one, so you keep saying yes and the resentment keeps building. In this episode I talk with author and coach Maryna Bilousova about people pleasing, resentment and the good girl conditioning that makes saying no feel impossible.
Things Discussed:
- How childhood patterns show up in who we choose and how we react in adult relationships
- Freud's iceberg and the part of the mind that runs things below our awareness
- Why resentment so often comes back to boundaries and self worth
- The good girl conditioning: behave, comply, never say no, never admit there's a problem
- Why it's so hard to sit with someone else's disappointment
- Why a boundary is your job to hold, not the other person's job to remember
- The fence in the park and why boundaries create a sense of security
- How behaviour gets co created between people, from gym classes to the friend who's always late
- Why understanding a pattern isn't the same as changing it, and how EMDR and hypnosis can help
- The Gottman aftermath of a fight and a couple arguing over a leaky tap
- Taking time for yourself as a parent, and what happens when mothers lose themselves in their kids
- Practical ways to say no: pause, breathe, count to three, the superwoman pose and clear is kind
Timestamps:
0:00 Resentment and the patterns we can't explain
1:00 How Maryna came to this work through her own relationship
2:00 Freud's iceberg and the subconscious mind
3:30 When an adult relationship repeats a childhood dynamic
5:00 Resentment, boundaries and being the good girl
7:00 Why saying no feels so hard
8:00 The power of saying no
9:00 The fence in the park: boundaries as security
10:00 How behaviour gets co created
11:00 When old fears follow you to work
12:30 Understanding a pattern versus changing it
15:00 The Gottman aftermath of a fight and the leaky tap
18:30 What Maryna wishes she'd known as a young mum
21:00 Losing yourself in your kids
23:30 Learn to say no and trust your gut
25:00 The superwoman pose and clear is kind
Resources and Links:
Loving Without Losing Yourself by Maryna Bilousova: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GHSY27PG
Maryna Bilousova on Instagram, including her free discovery call: https://www.instagram.com/maryna_bilousova_official/
Relationship Reset: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
EMDR therapy at The Therapy Hub: https://thetherapyhub.com.au/emdr/
Brené Brown, clear is kind: https://brenebrown.com/articles/2018/10/15/clear-is-kind-unclear-is-unkind/
Guest Info:
Maryna Bilousova is an author and coach who works with women stuck in emotionally confusing relationships. Her work brings together subconscious reprogramming, hypnotherapy and what she calls the revolutionary mindset. She's the author of Loving Without Losing Yourself and a mother of four, and she joined me from Germany. You can find Maryna on Instagram, where you can also book a free discovery call with her.
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
