Why Telling Kids to Use Their Words Doesn't Always Work [a Listener Q&A]

Your five-year-old is hitting other children when they're angry, frustrated or feel something is unfair. You've talked about using words, encouraged them to burn off energy and tried everything you can think of. So what actually helps?

Justin and Kylie Coulson explain why young children lash out, how to practise emotional regulation at home and what to do when your child comes home after a difficult day at school. Learn how to set boundaries without shame, build better responses and help your child manage big feelings as their brain develops.

KEY POINTS

• Why five-year-olds struggle to control big emotions

• How to practise calming strategies before frustration takes over

• Why difficult conversations work better when everyone is calm

• Helping children find their own solutions to conflict

• Responding with compassion while still addressing hitting

• How classroom culture and maturity can influence behaviour

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“When emotions are hot or high, there's not a lot that soaks in or sinks in.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Happy Families: https://happyfamilies.com.au

• Send your tricky questions to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

• Practise when things are calm. Rehearse taking deep breaths, walking away or asking an adult for help.

• Problem-solve together. Ask your child what they could do next time they feel angry or treated unfairly.

• Reconnect after school. Offer cuddles, space and understanding before discussing what went wrong.

• Keep the boundary clear. Acknowledge their feelings while making it clear that hitting isn't okay.

• Give them time to learn. Emotional regulation develops gradually, and children need repeated practice and support.

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