When Frank Flores's younger brother Marcelo died suddenly at 23, Frank found himself in an unfamiliar role: identifying his brother's body, navigating paperwork, and figuring out how to bring him home to the U.S. from Mexico. There was little room for grief. Instead, Frank went back to work - and then worked even more.
Five years later, Frank's father died during COVID. Once again, grief was crowded out by the bureaucracy of death: bank accounts, debts, paperwork, family responsibilities, and the messy, exhausting task of untangling a life after death. Frank describes this as a "mountain of paperwork stacked on top of our grief."
It took years for Frank to recognize how staying busy prevented him from being with his grief. That realization eventually became part of the inspiration for FamiliaLista, a bilingual resource designed to help people organize the information family members need if someone becomes unable to speak for themselves—or after they die.
In this conversation, Frank talks about the deaths of his brother and father, the pressure he felt to be strong for his family, cultural discomfort with talking about death, and how he's making more space for grief. He also shares his hope that preparing for death can be understood not as morbid or inviting death, but as an act of love.
We Discuss:
Frank's relationship with his father and younger brother, Marcelo
Being responsible for identifying his brother's body and bringing him home
The logistical work that can accompany sudden death
The different experiences of an unexpected death and an anticipated death
The pressure to be strong and "fix" things for other family members
How grief can change and evolve over many years
Cultural beliefs and taboos around talking about death
The importance of preparing for the practical realities of death
Frank's creation of FamiliaLista as a way to help families navigate those realities
Reframing end-of-life preparation as an act of love
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