Nothing says "good morning" quite like realizing one of your coworkers completely disappeared.
This episode of The Rizzuto Show starts with full-on panic when King Scott doesn't show up for work. Is he okay? Did the baby arrive? Is there an emergency? Nope...he just slept through everything. Naturally, this earns him the legendary Clock of Shame and enough roasting to last until the baby's old enough to drive.
From there, the chaos only gets better.
The crew uncovers a little-known towing loophole that could save you hundreds of dollars if you ever catch your vehicle being hauled away. Is it legitimate? Is it shady? Is bribing a tow truck driver with a burrito technically negotiating? Important questions are asked.
Then things get somehow even more ridiculous.
A seasoned mountain climber accidentally impales himself with his own hiking pole...and calmly hikes TEN MILES back down the mountain with it still sticking through his body. Somehow that's still not the craziest survival story of the day.
A solo sailor spends an entire month drifting across the Pacific after losing his mast, running out of water, and improvising his own survival system while waiting for someone—anyone—to notice him.
Meanwhile, TikTok has apparently decided diarrhea is now a weight-loss strategy. Yes, really. The crew discusses the unbelievably stupid "Cyclospora Skinny" trend, contaminated lettuce, food recalls, and why intentionally giving yourself explosive diarrhea may not be the wellness breakthrough influencers think it is.
If medical malpractice stories make you cringe...brace yourself. A woman goes in for a routine procedure and somehow wakes up missing the wrong organ entirely. The crew debates how much compensation is actually enough when a doctor's mistake permanently changes your life.
Along the way there are conversations about:
• hilarious late-to-work disasters
• bizarre downtown vandalism
• towing scams
• rental car nightmares
• hiking fails
• ocean survival
• bad diet trends
• weird medical news
• and the everyday nonsense that somehow turns into a three-hour comedy therapy session.
King Scott kicks things off by earning the legendary Clock of Shame after an alarm clock betrayal (or operator error...depending on who you believe). From there, the chaos only escalates.
A New Zealand metal concert turns into one of the most horrifying concert stories imaginable after a mosh pit gets interrupted by an unexpected biological disaster. The gang debates whether anyone could actually miss that smell, why everyone immediately started throwing up, and why this somehow isn't even the first time it's happened at a heavy music show.
The crew battles through Jeopardy music trivia, debates classic albums, laughs about DevilSkin vs. Devil's Kin, and somehow turns human biology into comedy.
In Crap on Celebrities, there's plenty happening:
• Carly Simon reveals her Parkinson's diagnosis.
• Brett Michaels recovers from surgery while fans wonder about upcoming tour dates.
• Larry the Cable Guy undergoes emergency surgery.
• Christopher Nolan explains why he'll never direct a romantic comedy.
• Kevin Smith announces a Jay & Silent Bob video game.
• Rob Zombie's wife releases her debut single.
• Tom Cruise family drama gets another chapter.
• Jon Stewart and Pete Davidson reunite for a huge comedy benefit.
• Plus celebrity birthdays, weird entertainment news, and all the sarcastic commentary you'd expect from The Rizzuto Show.
The gang debates America's best fast food restaurants, questions why Del Taco somehow keeps winning national rankings, argues over Taco Bell's drive-thru speed, wonders why Chick-fil-A can be both the friendliest and the slowest, and absolutely unloads on some of the worst drive-thru experiences imaginable. There are passionate opinions about fries, chicken, Crunchwrap Supremes, Popeyes, Zaxby's, Raising Cane's, and just about every chain capable of serving questionable life decisions in under seven minutes.
As if that wasn't enough chaos, the crew dives into a nostalgic rabbit hole of foods only your grandparents seem to enjoy. Liver and onions. Sardines. Bologna. Tapioca pudding. Fruitcake. Jell-O molds. Black licorice. Somehow everyone ends up questioning their own taste buds while Scott proudly brings in licorice like it's a treasured family heirloom.
And then...Headline Hoosh arrives.
This week's winner is a man who decided hopping onto a moving freight train wasn't exciting enough, so he climbed onto the locomotive completely naked and surfed it across Colorado before police finally stopped the train. His explanation? Vodka, cheap beer, and banjo playing. Honestly...we've heard worse resumes.
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