Sometimes a relationship ends with a clear moment.
An affair. A message. A fight. Somebody walking out.
But sometimes there is no single moment at all.
Two people slowly stop being a couple, and by the time one person finally says, “I don't think I want to do this anymore,” the other is left wondering when the relationship actually ended.
In Episode 2 of Season 3 of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare asks one of the more complicated questions facing modern relationships:
Are we leaving too soon?
Or did previous generations simply stay far too long?
We now have more relationship information than ever before. Within seconds, social media can explain attachment styles, emotional labour, childhood wounds, boundaries, narcissism, trauma, red flags and whether someone thinks you should leave.
Some of that language has helped people recognise unhealthy dynamics that previous generations may simply have tolerated.
But has access to so much information also made us more likely to interpret every difficult season as evidence that we are with the wrong person?
Through two Dear Gabriella relationship dilemmas, Gabriella explores the difference between a relationship that is going through a hard season and one that is genuinely becoming disconnected.
The conversation also moves into resentment and contempt, attachment patterns, and the familiar pursue-withdraw cycle where one partner responds to distance by moving closer while the other responds to pressure by moving further away.
And then there is something we rarely talk about seriously in long relationships:the ick.
What happens when nothing dramatic has occurred, but suddenly you don't want your partner touching you anymore?
Is that evidence the relationship is over?
Or could the body sometimes be responding to resentment, exhaustion, emotional disconnection, the mental load or years of feeling unseen?
This episode explores:
- hard season vs genuine disconnection
- whether modern couples are leaving too quickly
- burnout and relationship dissatisfaction
- work becoming an emotional escape
- losing yourself inside marriage and parenthood
- resentment turning into contempt
- anxious and avoidant attachment patterns
- why leaving a relationship doesn't necessarily mean leaving your patterns behind
- emotional withdrawal before separation
- the ick and loss of desire in long relationships
- whether attraction can return
- social media and modern relationship expectations
- staying too long vs leaving too quickly
- what real repair actually requires
SUBMIT TO DEAR GABRIELLA
Have a relationship dilemma, anonymous question or story you want Gabriella to unpack?
Submit anonymously through the link at gabriellapomare.com or DM Gabriella on Instagram at @thegabriellapomare.
You can also submit your Don't Do What I Did — the thing you understand now that you wish you had understood earlier.''
Chapters:
00:00 Intro and recap of last week's episode
00:52 Relationships ending in 2026 and the comparison trap
02:24 Dear Gabriella: 14 years, disconnected but not fighting
05:16 Numb about the marriage or numb about life
08:28 Resentment, the quiet relationship killer
10:20 Attachment patterns and the pursue/withdraw cycle
11:52 Leaving too soon or staying too long
13:24 The ick, information not instruction
17:04 Don't Do What I Did: processed the breakup alone
18:36 Outro, submissions, and the book announcement
