Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!
What does it actually take to break the cycle after growing up with a narcissistic mother?
In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, I sit down with Leighna, The Cycle Breaking Coach, for an unfiltered conversation about growing up as the black sheep, recognizing abuse, going no contact, and discovering that leaving the relationship is sometimes only the beginning of healing.
Leighna shares how becoming a mother changed the way she understood her own childhood and forced her to confront behaviors she could no longer explain away. We talk about the survival patterns daughters of narcissistic mothers can carry into adulthood, including hypervigilance, self-sabotage, enmeshment, shame, black-and-white thinking, and constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
We also get into an important distinction: survival behaviors are not necessarily character flaws. Sometimes the behaviors we hate about ourselves were once the very things that helped us survive.
Leighna and I discuss:
- Being the black sheep in a narcissistic family system
- Going no contact with a narcissistic mother
- Why no contact doesn't immediately make everything better
- Trauma bonds and why leaving can feel impossible
- Self-sabotage as a survival mechanism
- Shame versus guilt after narcissistic abuse
- Hypervigilance and nervous system dysregulation
- Enmeshment and learning to stop looking for someone else to save you
- BPD, attachment, and the stigma surrounding mental health
- Therapy versus coaching and the role each can play
- Reconnecting with yourself after years of being conditioned to ignore your own needs
- Breaking generational cycles as a parent
- Why healing doesn't have to be a lifelong sentence
- What emotionally healthy relationships actually look and feel like
One of my favorite moments in this conversation comes when Leighna describes a healthy relationship as “a landing place with no requirement to land.”
Healthy love allows two people to remain individuals. It makes room for different emotions, interests, needs, and identities without demanding that one person disappear to keep the other comfortable.
And perhaps the most important message of this entire conversation:
You have the power. They do not.
Breaking the cycle isn't about pretending the abuse didn't affect you. It's about recognizing what you learned in order to survive, deciding what no longer serves you, and slowly choosing something different.
Books Mentioned
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Connect with Leighna | The Cycle Breaking Coach
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