Husband and Wife on Forgiveness as a Spiritual Practice

What do you do when you want to forgive, but can't?In this conversation, my wife Monika and I explore forgiveness as a spiritual practice, a way of tending our own wounds and choosing peace. I share how I worked through a deep personal hurt over several years, letting the hardest emotions rise and pass, and slowly learning to see the divine in the people involved. Monika offers a gentler way in: begin with small, everyday hurts, and let the capacity to forgive grow from there.We also explore why every forgiveness is self-forgiveness, how to make amends, and why forgiveness is at once a selfish and a selfless act. Timestamps0:00 Why Forgive? Beyond Religion and Morality6:00 Eva Mozes Kor: "Do I Not Deserve to Heal?"9:41 What Is Forgiveness? Letting Go of Changing the Past12:46 Not Forgetting, Not Excusing, Not Reconciling16:23 A Practice, a Skill, and a Choice20:25 How Do You Actually Forgive?27:24 What If the Emotions Overwhelm You?30:51 Seeing the Divine Even in Those Who Hurt Us35:57 Start with the Five-Pound Weight40:31 "I Want to Forgive, But I Can't Right Now"45:29 Is It a Slog? Why the Path Gets Lighter47:26 The Three Sides of Forgiveness50:54 "I Am Not What Happened to Me"54:44 Kung Fu Panda and Inner Peace57:03 Every Forgiveness Is Self-Forgiveness58:57 Who Is Responsible for My Happiness?1:04:31 Unenforceable Rules: Barking Up the Wrong Tree1:06:55 Forgiving Your Younger Self1:08:33 Making Amends: The Twelve Steps1:10:22 For Those Who Are Too Hard on Themselves1:16:17 A Real Apology Has No "If"1:20:27 Every Journey Is Unique1:21:44 Forgiveness: A Selfish and a Selfless Act