What happens when purity culture doesn't just shame women—but also teaches men they're inherently dangerous?
In this live episode recording, we explore the hidden ways purity culture wounds everyone. Joined by Jacob Goodin of The Ex-Homeschoolers Club and Kate Johnson of Quips and Confessionals, we unpack the messages many of us grew up hearing: men can't control themselves, women are responsible for men's thoughts, and sexuality is something to fear rather than understand.
Together, we discuss the emotional consequences of growing up in evangelical culture—from shame, secrecy, and "accountability groups" to the impossible switch from "sex is sinful" to "sex is holy" after marriage. We examine how these teachings distort masculinity, create unhealthy relationship dynamics, fuel entitlement and shame, and leave many people disconnected from themselves and their partners.
Rather than comparing who suffered more, this conversation asks a different question: What if purity culture dehumanized all of us in different ways?
If you're untangling religious conditioning, recovering from sexual shame, redefining masculinity or femininity, or simply trying to build healthier relationships after faith, this episode offers an honest, compassionate conversation about what healing can actually look like.
- How purity culture uniquely impacts men
- The "apple pie" analogy and other damaging purity lessons
- Why shame is mistaken for sexual addiction
- The emotional cost of accountability culture
- Deconstructing harmful ideas about masculinity
- How purity culture dehumanizes both men and women
- The impossible transition from "sex is bad" to "sex is good" after marriage
- Sexual shame, pornography, and secrecy
- Why curiosity and sexual development are normal
- The connection between purity culture and unhealthy marriages
- Emotional vulnerability as a healthier model of masculinity
- Breaking the shame cycle through connection
- Healthy sexuality versus entitlement
- Reclaiming identity beyond sexuality
- Resources that helped deconstruct purity culture
If you've asked yourself,
- Why do so many men experience shame around sexuality?
- Why is it so difficult to enjoy sex after growing up in purity culture?
- How does purity culture enable entitlement and abuse?
- How can men develop a healthier understanding of masculinity?
- What does healthy sexuality actually look like after deconstruction?
...this episode might just be for you
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