If you have ever thought:
“How do I get better at being selfish when I always put everyone else first?”
“Why is saying no so uncomfortable, even when I know I should?”
“How do I set boundaries without the guilt, or without letting everyone down?”
- this episode is for you.
This week A Wake Up Call is a solo listener Q&A (Part 2), and it goes deeper than Part 1. We asked the Dream Team what they were wrestling with, and the theme was almost unanimous: people-pleasing. One question said it all - “my generosity is my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. I put everyone first and my own health and finances last. How do I get better at being selfish?”
Layne and Tess reframe the whole thing. Selfish is not the enemy - selfless is. When you say yes to everyone and no to yourself, the people you love get the fried, depleted, running-on-empty version of you. Showing up “selfish” - protecting your time, energy, health and finances first - is what lets you show up for anyone at all.
They get honest about why saying no is so hard: the three fears underneath every yes (letting people down, losing your relevance, and the shiny fix-it version everyone expects), and the three types of expectations - including the stealth ones we quietly place on ourselves. Layne shares how selfishness became a privilege that got her to the top, the story of her dad calling her “a bloody idiot”, and winning seven world titles - five of them in fear - and asks the real question: fuel, at what cost? Tess opens up about being “Tess from Virgin”, performing on a fragile foundation, and what changed when she started filling her own cup first.
You will hear about:
Why people-pleasing is fear wearing a helpful face - and how to show up “selfish” so you stop reserving the worst of you for the people you love
The three fears that stop you saying no: letting people down, a scarcity mentality around relevance, and the expectations you place on yourself
The three types of expectations - yours, other people's, and the stealth ones you assume - and why the stealth ones are the most toxic
Fill your cup first: do one thing you love every day (15 minutes is enough, and it has to be tech-free)
The boundary tool: “no, not now” and “no, not me”, why the guilt is a stepping stone, and knowing your recovery rule (one day is fine, three days is a warning sign)
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Mentioned in this episode:
Viktor Frankl - Man's Search for Meaning (the one thing that cannot be taken from you is your choice of how to respond)
Dr Kristy Goodwin - researcher on digital overload and focus, and past AWUC guest (“infobesity”, ~74GB of information a day, and the case for micro-breaks)
The Seven Doctors 7-Week Challenge - Awake's gentle nervous-system reset program (sunshine breaks, micro rest, the science of why), linked in the show notes
Disclaimer
Awake Academy is not a licensed mental health service, and this podcast is not a substitute for personalised mental health advice, assessment, diagnosis or treatment. What we share here is general in nature and is designed to offer reflection, insight and practical tools for everyday life.
If you are experiencing a medical or mental health condition, please seek guidance from a qualified healthcare professional. Never ignore or delay seeking professional advice because of something you have heard on this podcast.
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