"I became a prisoner in a golden cage — and I wasn't even aware that I was helping to build it."💔
Those are Mia Hanks' words. And if they just stopped you cold — this episode is for you.
Mia J. Hanks spent nearly 30 years married to a covert narcissist. Not the loud, obvious kind — the kind that operates in the shadows. The kind that makes you question your own reality, your own worth, your own sanity — quietly, methodically, and for decades. And then one day, she got out. And then, she wrote about it.
Her Gold Literary Titan Award-winning memoir Bride-Made is a first-hand account of what day-to-day life with a narcissistic spouse actually looks like — and her follow-up memoir I've Made Plans: A Memoir of Rebuilding picks up exactly where that story ends. This conversation is one of the most powerful we've ever had on The Attachment Confessions💜
What we cover in this episode:
- What covert narcissism actually is — and why it's so much harder to identify than the more obvious kind
- What 29 years of narcissistic abuse actually looked like from the inside — day to day, year to year
- How a covert narcissist makes their partner feel like they are the problem — and how long it took Mia to realize the story she'd been made to believe about herself all those years wasn't actually true
- The gaslighting, the manipulation, and the slow erosion of self that happens
- What finally broke through — and what leaving actually looked like
- How Mia rebuilt her identity, her self-trust and her life after 29 years of abuse
- Why she wrote Bride-Made — and who she wrote it for
- The meaning behind the title and what it says about how covert narcissists operate
- Her message to anyone who is in this right now and feels like there's no way out
Mia's story is not just about survival. It's about what's possible on the other side. And her words — raw, honest, and hard-won — are going to reach someone today who desperately needs to hear them💜
"What I had failed to realize during our courtship was that it had all been glamour, smoke and mirrors. I had not been courted. I had been acquired." — Mia J. Hanks
About Mia J. Hanks:
Mia J. Hanks is a survivor of narcissistic abuse and the author of two memoirs — Bride-Made (Gold Literary Titan Award winner) and I've Made Plans: A Memoir of Rebuilding. She is committed to raising awareness about covert narcissism and supporting other survivors, reminding them that they are not alone — and that their story doesn't end with their escape.
📘 Buy Bride-Made on Amazon
📙 Buy I've Made Plans: A Memoir of Rebuilding on Amazon
🌐 Learn more about Mia's work: miajhanks.com
📸 Instagram: @npd.andme
💜 Ready to heal your attachment? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs at doctorsarahhensley.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.
🆘 If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse: National Domestic Violence Hotline — 1-800-799-7233 (available 24/7)
Related episodes:
- Attachment vs Narcissism: How to Tell the Difference — and Why It Matters for Your Healing
- Narcissist & Codependent Relationships: The Toxic Dynamic Explained Through an Attachment Lens
- Love Bombing 101: How to Spot It, Why We Fall for It, and How to Get Out
- Dating Red Flags & Deception: How to Spot Them Early & Protect Your Heart (Feat. Cray App Founder Justin Smith)
- Boundaries & Anxious Attachment: The True Cost of Having Zero Boundaries — And How to Finally Make Them Stick
