I asked God to heal me…but deep down, I didn't want the healing.
In Episode 58 of The Middle Child Podcast, Royal Boles continues sharing her healing journey and gets brutally honest about what happens when you pray for God to remove something from your life while secretly hoping He gives it back.
Royal opens up about an eight-year relationship that became toxic and difficult to release, the trauma bond she experienced, and why simply blocking someone and cutting communication doesn't always mean you've healed.
She talks about wanting clarity, wanting confirmation, and realizing that she was asking God for healing while still holding on to what she thought she wanted.
This episode is about the uncomfortable middle of healing — the season when you know something isn't good for you, but you're not completely ready to let it go.
Royal also talks about faith, perseverance, surrender, God's timing, prayer, emotional healing, and learning to listen instead of always asking God for another answer.
The conversation explores what it means to stop chasing potential, stop trying to control the outcome, and trust God even when His answer doesn't look like the one you wanted.
Royal also opens up about how the relationship affected her confidence, her friendships, her family, and the way she saw herself. She reflects on becoming someone she didn't recognize while trying to make the relationship work.
In this episode, we talk about:
— Healing after an eight-year relationship
— Healing from a toxic relationship
— Why we sometimes rush the healing process
— Praying for healing while still holding on
— Trauma bonds vs. soul ties
— Letting go of someone you still love
— When God answers a prayer differently than expected
— Learning to accept what God is showing you
— The danger of chasing potential
— Wanting confirmation instead of surrender
— God's timing vs. our timing
— Seasons of perseverance
— What happens in the middle of healing
— Changing your words and your narrative
— Being honest with God about what you really want
— Prayer, tears, and waiting on God
— Learning to listen instead of always talking
— Grace and mercy during difficult seasons
— Finding gratitude after disappointment
— Healing, surrender, and spiritual growth
— Rebuilding your confidence
— Knowing when to stop fighting
— Moving forward after a toxic relationship
Sometimes healing doesn't look like getting back what you lost.
Sometimes healing means finally becoming honest enough to admit that you don't want to let go — and then trusting God enough to let Him do what you couldn't do for yourself.
Welcome to The Middle Child Podcast with Royal Boles — where you are seen, loved, and appreciated.
Subscribe for more conversations about faith, healing, relationships, personal growth, purpose, and life.
CHAPTERS
00:00 — I Asked God to Heal Me, But I Didn't Want the Healing
03:16 — Why We Try to Rush Healing
05:38 — Healing Is Uncomfortable
06:23 — God Answered a Four-Year Prayer
08:16 — I Asked for Healing, But I Didn't Want It
13:19 — Why Trauma Bonds Are So Hard to Break
17:09 — An Eight-Year Relationship Changed Me
20:08 — When Chasing Becomes Begging
24:15 — I Don't Have Any More Fight Left
26:37 — Why You Can't Rush the Healing Process
29:15 — When God Gave Me What I Prayed For
35:20 — Being Gracefully Broken
40:00 — The Turning Point: Choosing God
47:24 — Transformation Happens in the Middle
54:12 — Sometimes God Wants You to Listen
ABOUT THE MIDDLE CHILD PODCAST
Subscribe for weekly episodes: https://underconstruxtion.com
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theroyalboles
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theroyalboles/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theofficialmiddlechildpodcast/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theroyalboles
#TheMiddleChildPodcast #TMC58 #HealingJourney #ToxicRelationships #TraumaBond #LettingGo #FaithAndHealing #GodsTiming #ChristianPodcast #PersonalGrowth
