When you are in a fight with your partner, who should start the repair? Jayson and Ellen explore why couples get stuck arguing over who hurt who first and how letting issues build up can make conflicts spiral out of control. They discuss ways to initiate repair, what to do when one partner is always the first to reach out, and how managing your defensiveness can help you move through conflict together.

Timestamps:

  • 2:00 - Who hurt who first?
  • 5:30 - Letting issues build up makes conflicts spiral out of control
  • 11:00 - Who starts repair?
  • 17:00 - Ways to initiate repair
  • 20:30 - What if one partner initiates repair more?
  • 26:30 - Manage your defensiveness

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