Trying should be the fun part, right?
Trying for a baby is supposed to be the fun part. Then the ovulation strips show up, the fertile window turns into a deadline, and sex starts feeling like something you're clocking into.
Nobody really preps dads for that.
In this episode, John and Michael sit down outside in Dillon, Colorado (concert crowd noise included) to talk honestly about trying to conceive: John and Viv's five months, Michael and Abigail's six to eight, and every emotion that showed up in between.
They get into the stuff most guys never say out loud. The pressure of being "the star of the show" — if you don't perform, there's no baby. The mindset shift of scheduled sex, and how to actually make it fun instead of clinical. What it felt like when a pregnancy test came back negative and not realizing until that night how much the moment meant to his wife. The golf trip Michael was on when Abigail got a negative test the morning of his sister's baby shower, and what he learned about not being emotionally present for it.
They also cover the practical side: tracking ovulation, timing morning sex around testosterone levels, why hot tubs are a fertility myth worth knowing about, and when it's worth getting your own levels checked. And the mental side almost nobody addresses — the eight inches between your ears that start asking "is this ever going to work" after a few negative tests in a row.
But the bigger point isn't the biology. It's that the trying season, hard as it is, is a chance to build the communication and partnership that carries you into parenthood. John's twins were conceived on Leap Day, an accident neither of them expected, after months of turning a stressful window into something they looked forward to together.
If you've been trying for one month or two years, this is a reminder you're not the only one white-knuckling the two-week wait, and you don't have to carry it alone.
🍼 In This Episode
- What trying to conceive actually feels like for dads, not just moms
- Why the fertile window creates pressure most men don't talk about
- Scheduled sex: how to keep intimacy fun instead of clinical
- The "star of the show" pressure and how to handle an off night
- What to do when a pregnancy test comes back negative, and how to actually support your wife in that moment
- Tracking ovulation, morning timing, and other practical strategies
- Why hot tubs, diet, and drinking habits are worth a second look while trying
- The mental side of trying to conceive that men rarely admit to
- How comparison creeps in when friends start having kids
- Turning the trying season into a foundation for your relationship, not just a means to an end
🎯 If You've Ever Searched
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This episode is for you.
🧡 Resources for Dads
Free Dad Prep Guide - https://www.thedudelaco.com/guide
If you're preparing for your first baby, start here. Our free guide covers the things we wish someone had told us before becoming dads and gives you practical ways to start preparing now.
Dudela Prep Kit - https://www.thedudelaco.com/kit
Want to go deeper? The Dudela Prep Kit is our complete preparation framework for dads, $37, covering pregnancy, birth, postpartum, your relationship, emotions, finances, newborn life, and the transition into fatherhood.
🎙️ Ask Another Dad
Going through something you want to talk about? Maybe you're trying for a baby. Maybe pregnancy is kicking your ass. Maybe your newborn won't sleep. Maybe you just need another dad's perspective.
Leave John and Michael a voicemail at thedudelaco.com/voicemail, or email dude@thedudelaco.com. We listen to every one and respond when we can.
🤝 Join the Spit-Up Society
Sometimes you don't need another article or Google search. You need other dads.
The Spit-Up Society is $5 a month and gets you two live Q&A calls with John and Michael every month, a private community, and early access to merch and guides.
Join at https://www.thedudelaco.com/join/spit-up-society
📱 Follow Dudela
💪 Your Challenge This Week
If you're currently trying for a baby, have one conversation with your partner that has nothing to do with timing, ovulation, or whether this is "the month." Ask her how she's actually doing with all of this. Then tell her how you're doing too. No fixing it, no strategy, no calendar. Just talk.
Before you're mom and dad, you're still the two people building this family together. If trying has started to feel like work, find one way this week to make being together feel like the two of you again.
