Do you keep "ruining" the good moments with your partner, pulling away, checking, or bracing just when things start to feel close? In this episode, Carrie explains why what betrayed partners call self-sabotage is almost always protection: a pattern the nervous system learned from real experience to keep you from being blindsided again. Carrie and David walk through how that protection forms, when it crosses from adaptive to maladaptive, and how to work with it instead of fighting it. David also names why the betrayer's defensiveness isn't the same kind of protection, and what actually helped Carrie's protection learn it could rest.
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