Catherine Roebuck and I talk about how to ask your partner to change without triggering their defenses, starting from everyone's drive for autonomy.

In this conversation:

  • "Persistent drive for autonomy" as a kinder term for pathological demand avoidance
  • Warm acceptance vs. cold judgment
  • Why the brain doesn't change when it feels controlled
  • Making a request without deciding they have to say yes
  • Ramping up your distress to get a response
  • "Do you want me to be a doormat?" Finding the option that's actually yours

With Catherine Roebuck.

Listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, or watch on YouTube.

Read the full transcript

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