What happens in the years right before an adult child walks away — and what does the silence that follows actually feel like, from both sides?
In Part Two of When It Was Us, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna go into the hardest part of their story: the years after Bri graduated from college, the slow accumulation of stress and shame that pushed her to her breaking point, the conversation that finally cracked everything open, and the three years they didn't speak.
This is the chapter most families never talk about. Bri describes what it felt like to be drowning while pretending everything was fine — building what she calls "a mountain of fake" just to survive. Janet describes loving her daughter while completely missing what was happening underneath the surface. And together they unpack a moment that changed everything: the first holiday Janet didn't reach out — and why Bri says that silence was the most selfless thing her parents ever did for her.
If you are a parent experiencing estrangement from your adult child, this episode could be hard to hear. You will also hear something almost no one says out loud: your adult child is still thinking about you. The silence is not the absence of love. Sometimes silence is the only path to reconnection.
The video recording of this episode is also available on YouTube at:
https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.Steinkamp
**If you have questions or would like to talk about this episode, please join us during Office Hours for a live discussion May 24th. Register at:
https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
IN THIS EPISODE
- Why "everything you thought would never happen" hits at once in early adulthood, and what happens when a young adult feels like she can't lean on her parents to navigate it.
- How small lies turn into a "mountain of fake", and why the cover-up is often more damaging than what's being covered up.
- The pregnancy conversation that solidified every feeling of failure, shame, and conditional love Bri had carried since childhood.
COMING UP IN THIS SERIES
In Part Three, The Long Way Back, Janet and Bri share what came next: who reached out first, how the conversation got started, what each of them had to forgive, and what they had to say out loud before a new start was possible. They'll also talk about what their relationship actually looks like today. Not the version for the camera, the real one. It is not the relationship they used to have. And as Janet says, thank God, because that one wasn't real.
Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating: family estrangement, communication breakdown, emotional grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development, adult family relationship dynamics
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes:, emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection, safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
