148 | Shame Sounds Identical From The Betrayer And The Betrayed: Rebuilding Identity After An Affair with Lauren LaRusso

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Why don't I know who I am anymore? Why does the shame feel this specific? And what does it actually take to let go?

Today I'm joined by Lauren LaRusso, licensed psychotherapist, author of Beyond Infidelity, and someone who has walked through her own betrayal and sat with hundreds of clients in the aftermath of theirs. Her practice sees every side of this: betrayed spouses, unfaithful spouses, and affair partners.

And she said something in this conversation I haven't stopped thinking about: shame sounds identical on both sides of the story. We read one of her own journal entries from her worst season, and it's almost word for word what the women I coach say to me.

We explore:

• The "looking glass self"- why most of us build identity on who we think others perceive us to be, and what happens when that mirror shatters
• Control as the centerpiece of an active affair and my own moment of realizing I couldn't manage the outcome of my confession
• What shame actually is, where it originates, and the step-by-step practice for releasing it
• Why meditation and mindfulness aren't optional
• The difference between needing someone and wanting them, and why finding your whole self comes first

Whether you're rebuilding your marriage or you're not, this conversation is about identity, control, and what's waiting on the other side.

Connect with Lauren:

📖 Beyond Infidelity: available everywhere books are sold

🌐 laurenlarusso.com

📲 https://www.instagram.com/laurenlarusso/ 

Let's Connect:

📞 Book your private Breakthrough Call: https://learn.kristinajoycoaching.com/breakthrough 

💌 Email: kristina@kristinajoycoaching.com 

Email me and tell me what landed. I read every single one and I write back.