In Episode 4 of The Weight of the Chair series, Tanya shares the real story of the season she almost quit leadership — not as a distant, safely processed memory, but as a wound that cost real things and changed real aspects of how she leads.
She describes leading her team through one of the hardest seasons any leader has navigated in recent history — implementing decisions that caused pain, being the face of circumstances nobody chose, and experiencing in the aftermath what may be one of the most specific wounds a deeply invested leader can receive: having decades of relationship and demonstrated care weighed against a hard season — and found somehow insufficient.
She names the anger she did not know she was allowed to have. The identity rupture that came when the people she had invested in most directed their pain at her. The people-pleasing thread underneath it all — the way her sense of self as a leader had become more dependent on their assessment than she realized. And the honest admission that the thought of quitting has been more present since that season than before.
And then she names what God has done in the meantime. The identity work that has been the most stabilizing work of her leadership life. And the specific scriptures that have held her.
This episode is for every leader who has been wounded. Who is still showing up. Who has wondered more than once whether it is worth it.
It is. And she is going to tell you why.
In This Episode You'll Learn:
- What the specific wound of having your character discounted in a hard season actually feels like
- How trauma and grief responses in teams get directed at leadership — and why it is not always a just verdict
- The people-pleasing thread in leadership identity — and why deeply relational leaders are most vulnerable to this specific wound
- Why unacknowledged anger in leaders does not disappear — it goes somewhere else
- The cultural shift toward self-orientation and what it means for servant leaders
- What God has done with the scar— and what it has produced
- What 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, Galatians 1:10, and Psalm 18:2 offer the leader who has been struck down
- What Tanya wants to say directly to the leader who recognizes herself in this story
- Why staying is not failure — staying is leadership
Scripture Referenced
- 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 — "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed."
- Galatians 1:10 — "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?"
- Psalm 18:2 — "The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer."
Key Takeaway
What they said about you in their hardest moment is not the full truth about who you are. The investment was not wasted even when it felt unreceived. And the identity work — building your sense of self on something that human assessment cannot reach — is the most important work available to you right now.
I hope this episode blesses you!
Xoxo,
Tanya
Episode Resources:
Episode Catalog
My trusted Supplement Dispensary: Aligned Vitality Fullscript Dispensary
My trusted Telehealth Peptide Provider: EllieMD_Tanya Engesether
*I do get a small commission when you use one of the above affiliate links.
3 Ways To Connect With Me:
1️⃣COACHING: Are you READY to Lead Well, Live Well and BE Well? Book a FREE discovery call with me to find out more about functional health coaching. It’s the accountability and guidance you need to reclaim your health and happiness! ➡︎https://alignedvitalityhealth.com/coaching
2️⃣ FACEBOOK: Become part of our Supportive Facebook Group. Connect, share, and learn with others navigating life and leadership ➡︎ https://alignedvitalityhealth.com/community
3️⃣ CONTACT: Leave me a question or comment ➡︎ https://alignedvitalityhealth.com/contact
"Yes! Finally, a podcast helping others become the thriving leaders they’re meant to be outside of hustle-culture! This is an amazing resource! Thank you so much for sharing and helping us become Spirit-driven, peaceful leaders!"
If you can relate, please consider rating and reviewing my show! It helps me reach more people – just like you – to help them change their future. Don’t forget to follow the show so you don’t miss any episodes! And, if you’re feeling really generous, I’d be SO honored if you would share this podcast with someone.
Click here to view our privacy policy.
Reminder: The information you hear on this show is not meant to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent disease. It is for educational purposes only. Always consult with your own health practitioner before you make any changes to your health.
