We're on Part 3 of our Four Agreements series, sis — and this one might be the sneakiest of them all.
So far we've learned to be impeccable with our word, and to stop taking things personally. Today's agreement ties them together: don't make assumptions. Because here's the truth — the eating disorder is a master storyteller. It makes up stories all day long, then hands them to you as if they're facts. Today, we learn to stop believing the lies.
(New here? Go back and start with Parts 1 and 2 — they build.)
We assume about everything
The problem isn't that we make assumptions. It's that we swear they're real. As the book puts it, "we make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do."
She didn't text back — she's mad. He looked at my plate — he thinks I'm eating too much. They went quiet — they were talking about my body. We don't check. We don't ask. We decide it's true and live like it's true. And from that one habit, so much suffering is born — we blame, we react, we misunderstand, we create drama out of thin air. Almost all of our sadness is rooted in making assumptions.
The eating disorder is a master storyteller
The disorder doesn't deal in facts — it deals in stories. It fills every silence, every glance, every unanswered question with the same story: they noticed. they judged. you're not enough.
You have no evidence for any of it. But because the story feels so real, you believe it, react to it, restrict because of it, isolate because of it. We only see what we want to see — and when your lens is a disorder, you'll find "proof" for its lies everywhere. Making assumptions leads to chaos, and the disorder loves chaos, because it keeps you too spun-out to question it.
The assumptions that become rules
Here's where it gets really sneaky in recovery — assumptions don't just create stories, they create rules.
We assume wellness culture knows best — that the influencer, the diet, the "clean eating" plan knows what your body needs better than your body does. So we take on their rules as gospel: can't eat past this hour, have to earn it, have to burn it, never skip the workout.
And we never stop to ask: Is this actually nourishing my body? Is this genuinely healthy for me? Or is it just diet culture wrapped in a pretty bow of fake news? Because we don't ask, we obey — and every unquestioned rule makes the disorder stronger. The assumption becomes the cage.
My biggest assumption
I lived this one, sis. My biggest assumption in my whole journey was: if I eat more, I'll never stop gaining weight. I was convinced that if I nourished myself, my body would balloon endlessly and everyone would look at me and go, "Oh my gosh, look at her."
That assumption left me chained. Trapped. Terrified for a very long time — too scared to move forward, but exhausted from the cycle of restriction and over-exercising. I was suffering over something that had never happened and that I had zero evidence for. I just assumed it was true, and let it run my life.
The question that cracked it open: "But do you like it now?"
Here's the question I want to ask you, gently. You're assuming that if you gain weight, you won't like your body. But sis… do you like it now?
The disorder promises that staying exactly like this — restricting, controlling, shrinking — is protecting some peace with your body. But are you at peace right now? Or are you already at war with your body while telling yourself you're staying this way to avoid being at war with it?
You don't need to gain a pound to be miserable in your body — the disorder has you doing that today. The peace you're protecting doesn't exist. So you're not actually choosing between peace and weight gain. You're choosing between this war and the chance at real freedom.
The antidote: ask
The antidote to making assumptions is to ask.
- With people: "Hey, are we okay?" instead of assuming.
- With the rules: "Is this actually nourishing me, or a rule I never questioned?"
- With yourself: "Do I have real evidence for this — or did the disorder just hand me a story?"
Asking is how you find your voice. It's how you get to the truth. And the truth is almost always so much kinder than the story the disorder tells.
How this ties the agreements together
This is why it's the third agreement — it weaves the first two together. When you stop making assumptions, you naturally become impeccable with your word (no more false stories), and you naturally stop taking things personally (you ask what's true instead of assuming it's all about you). The three agreements hold hands.
Information isn't enough
You can understand every word of this and still stay stuck. Because information isn't what changes your life — action is. Knowing the disorder makes up stories doesn't set you free. Catching the story and choosing to ask instead — that's what sets you free. That's the difference between the woman who listens to recovery podcasts forever, and the woman who actually gets free.
A few lines from the episode
"The problem isn't that we make assumptions. It's that we swear they're real."
"The eating disorder doesn't deal in facts. It deals in stories."
"Because you don't ask, you obey — and every unquestioned rule makes the disorder stronger. The assumption becomes the cage."
"You're assuming that if you gain weight, you won't like your body. But do you like it now?"
"Information isn't what changes your life. Action is."
Your work this week
Catch the story. Every time you notice yourself assuming — they're judging me, if I eat more I'll never stop, this rule is keeping me safe — pause and ask: "Is this true, or is this a story the disorder wrote?"
Then do the brave thing: ask the real question. Question one rule. Seek one truth. Find your voice.
Coming up: the finale
This is Part 3 of the Four Agreements in Recovery — one to go. Make sure you're following so you don't miss the finale, where all four agreements come together.
You don't have to untangle the lies alone
If you're realizing how many stories and rules you've been living inside — and you want support separating the disorder's lies from the truth — that's exactly the work I do with women one-on-one and in the Recovery Collective.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
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Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.
