Anxious attachment doesn’t come from the people you date - it comes from the belief that you are not chosen.
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In this episode of the F*CK TRAUMA Podcast, I explain why they’re not choosing you - and why it has far less to do with them than you’ve been led to believe.
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If you keep finding yourself in cycles of anxiety in love, attracting emotionally unavailable partners, or waiting, chasing, and hoping to be chosen, this episode will connect the dots for you.
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SHARE this with your friends also stuck in these cycles
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This is not surface-level dating advice.This is the belief underneath everything.
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I’m breaking down the “not chosen” wound - a subconscious belief formed in childhood that says:
• I’m not a priority• I don’t matter as much as others• Love isn’t safe• I have to earn being chosen
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And how this belief silently shapes your relationships, your attachment patterns, and even who feels “right” to you.
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In this episode, I share:
• Why anxious attachment is rooted in self-concept, not other people
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• How the not chosen belief causes people to pull away, ghost, or say “I’m not ready”
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• Why you end up chasing reassurance, texts, effort, or commitment
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• How “waiting to be chosen” actually creates more rejection
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• Why people who do want to choose you can feel uncomfortable or boring
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• How this wound shows up not just in romantic relationships, but in family, friendships, work, and money
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• The exact shift that changed every relationship in my life - including attracting my fiancé
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I also explain how the Law of Assumption works in relationships, why people are mirrors of your internal beliefs, and why awareness alone is not enough to create lasting change.
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If you’ve ever thought:
“Why does this keep happening to me?”
“Why does it always start well and then fall apart?”
“Why do I feel anxious the moment I care?”
This episode will land deeply.
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And if you’re ready to stop understanding this pattern and actually shift it, I’ve created a new masterclass called From Chasing to Chosen.
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Inside the masterclass, I guide you through reprogramming the not chosen belief at the subconscious and nervous system level, so you’re no longer reacting, spiralling, or self-abandoning in love and instead begin embodying the version of you who expects to be chosen.
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Watch From Chasing to Chosen masterclass
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✨ Next episode: I’ll break down the specific behaviours that show you’re unconsciously waiting to be chosen - even when you think you’re not. Hit FOLLOW so you don't miss it!
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If you’re ready to experience this work directly, explore my masterclasses or my signature program Anxious to Secure in Love where The Candice Tamara Secure Method™ is taught in full.
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Free Masterclass: Becoming Secure You
Signature Program: Anxious to Secure in Love
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Connect with me on Instagram @candicetamara_
Ways to work with me: Click here
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