Jon went four years without speaking to any of his four children. This episode is a follow-up: two weeks before recording, one of his daughters texted him for the first time since telling him, in her twenties, that she never wanted to see him again.
Jon, the advocate behind the Male Victims of Female Narcissists community, coaches men who are dealing with an emotionally abusive ex and parental alienation, work that grew out of his own long marriage and divorce. He describes his ex as someone who worked her way between him and his kids, and between him and his extended family, gradually rather than all at once.
In this conversation, Jon and Lisa go through the two forms of alienation he sees most often: one that plays out through the court system with younger children, and a slower version with older kids, where the distance starts to feel like the child's own choice. He talks about why he now thinks he divorced too late, what he said when his daughter finally reached back out after four years of silence, and the story from the Bible's prodigal son that shaped how he waited for her.
Jon also shares what he tells the men he coaches: why chasing an adult child who has cut contact usually backfires, why he still doesn't discuss the marriage's problems with his kids, and why everyone he has talked to about this points to the same pattern: the parent who stays consistent tends to be the one a child eventually comes back to.
As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.
🎓 What you'll learn
- The two different kinds of parental alienation: one enforced through the court system, one that develops slowly with older kids
- Why Jon now believes divorcing earlier might have given his kids a stable home sooner
- What he actually said, and didn't say, when his estranged daughter reached back out after four years
- Why chasing an adult child who has cut contact rarely works
- Why he doesn't discuss the marriage's problems with his kids, even years later
- The prodigal-son framework that shaped how he waited for his daughter to reach out
- Why acknowledging the hurt on both sides mattered as much as the apology itself
⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Two kinds of parental alienation
5:00 Why he waited to divorce, and what he'd do differently
11:00 The text that said "see you never"
13:00 The prodigal son framework: waiting without chasing
19:00 The actual reconciliation call, and not pulling punches
25:00 Advice for parents whose kids are still young
29:00 Taking the high road, and where his other three kids stand
35:00 Coaching men through this, and where to find Jon
Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Male Victim Jon on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/malevictimsoffemalenarcissists/
About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.
