Ep170: Sometimes the Best Conflict Skill is Shutting Up with Paula Yost

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Most conflict doesn’t end a relationship. The lack of repair does. I’m joined by Paula Yost, a rare blend of attorney and licensed clinical mental health therapy supervisor, to talk about what she sees when people walk into a law office on the worst day of their lives and why legal training often misses the trauma, grief, anxiety, and mental illness sitting right in front of it.

We dig into the practical overlap between mental health and the legal system: why clients repeatedly ask the same question when they’re dysregulated, how cognitive behavioral therapy and nervous system skills can make someone a calmer, clearer client, and why attorneys should build real referral relationships with therapists. We also address a point that protects clinicians: a subpoena is not automatically a green light to hand over your entire file, and confidentiality still matters even when court pressure shows up.

From there, we move into the heart of it: relationship repair. We talk about why “let’s just not talk about it” keeps hurt alive, how scorekeeping grows when accountability never comes, and why family estrangement can be the final stage of years of unaddressed pain. Paula shares concrete repair tools that work in everyday conflict, including better timing, curiosity questions that de-escalate, and what an actual apology sounds like when it includes ownership and a plan to change. We also connect the dots to modeling healthy repair for kids, so they learn what constructive conflict looks like instead of silence or explosions.

If you want better boundaries, stronger relationships, and more peace after hard conversations, listen now. Subscribe, share this with someone who avoids the repair talk, and leave a review with the skill you’re practicing this week.

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

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