Ep 169: Grief Is Not Just Death with Jillian Oetting

Send us Fan Mail

Grief can feel like a private storm, but it’s also one of the most universal experiences we share and it doesn’t only arrive after a death. I sit down with licensed professional counselor and advanced grief counseling specialist Jillian Oetting to name the kinds of loss that often get ignored: anticipatory grief with dementia or terminal illness, disenfranchised grief after pregnancy loss or infertility, ambiguous loss in estrangement or addiction, and the identity grief that can follow career shifts or postpartum change.

We also challenge the idea that grief has a clean finish line. Jillian shares a powerful “rock in your pocket” metaphor: the rock doesn’t shrink, but you grow around it, and grief bursts can still surprise you years later. From there, we dig into grief counseling frameworks that feel realistic, including the dual process model of moving between loss-oriented coping and restoration-oriented coping, plus the tasks of mourning that focus on accepting reality, processing pain, adjusting to a changed world, and finding an enduring connection through meaning making.

Then we make it practical for real relationships. We talk about what to say when you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, why platitudes like “everything happens for a reason” can land as dismissal, and why “let me know what you need” often adds pressure. Jillian offers concrete, caring alternatives: bring food, handle a small household task, keep showing up months later, and keep saying the person’s name so love and memory can keep breathing.

If someone you love is grieving or you are carrying your own rock, subscribe, share this with a friend, and leave a review. What’s one supportive sentence you wish people would say more often?

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at Beth@makewordsmatterforgood.com

Support the show

www.bethtrammell.com