What happens when you keep a part of yourself secret for over 25 years? On this episode of Ask Nyomi: Bridging the Gap, host Nyomi Banks sits down with certified sex and relationship coach Amanda Dames, aka The Kink Consultant, for an unfiltered conversation about kink, shame, and the long road to sexual self-acceptance.
Amanda opens up about hiding her own kink from age five into her thirties — and what it finally felt like to be fully seen by the people who love her. Together, she and Nyomi dig into why so many people confuse kink with trauma, how to figure out why a kink makes you (or your partner) uncomfortable, and the simple homework Amanda gives clients to help them stop feeling so alone: attending a "munch," a casual, clothed meetup for kinky people to connect outside the bedroom.
This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered if what turns them on makes them "too much," "broken," or "abnormal." Spoiler: it doesn't. As Amanda puts it, half of life is learning — and the other half is unlearning what you were taught about making everyone else comfortable at your own expense.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why kink and trauma are not the same thing (and how to tell the difference)
- How to identify the real source of shame around a kink or desire
- What a "munch" is and why Amanda prescribes it as homework for clients
- How to talk to a partner about a kink without pushing them away
- Why visibility and normalization matter — for coaches, creators, and everyday people
- What self-love really means when you've spent your life prioritizing everyone else's comfort
About Amanda Dames Amanda Dames is a certified sex and relationship coach known as The Kink Consultant. She works with individuals and couples navigating kink, communication, and intimacy, and hosts The Kink Consultant Podcast, where she interviews couples and individuals in the kink community about their journeys — normalizing the idea that "your next-door neighbor could be into the exact same thing you're into."
Connect with Amanda Dames:
- Website / Book a Coaching Consultation: amandadames.com
- Instagram: @the_kinkconsultant
- Podcast: The Kink Consultant Podcast (available wherever you get your podcasts)
Connect with Nyomi Banks / Ask Nyomi: Bridging the Gap:
- Email for love, sex & relationship advice: info@nyomi.com
- New: Nyomi's Intimate Corner on Patreon — deeper conversations on sexuality and spirituality, plus the explant surgery documentary series
- New episodes weekly — subscribe and never miss the BTG crew
ASK NYOMI: BRIDGING THE GAP
Host: Nyomi Banks (Da Goddess of Self Love)
Co-Host: Dog Pound Mike Mike
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