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Whether you've been with your partner for years or you're navigating dating after a late diagnosis, ADHD changes how we love, connect and show up in relationships, and this episode is entirely about that.
Welcome to this week's summer compilation episode. Rather than a single conversation, I've pulled together some of the most resonant clips from three different episodes on ADHD, love, intimacy and relationships, because I wanted to bring all of this into one place for you.
We begin with Lisa Rabinowitz, couples counsellor, certified Gottman and PACT therapist and author of Why Won't You Stop Interrupting Me? Lisa talks about how blame rarely helps either partner, why neurodivergence is often present on both sides of a relationship, and how working as a team rather than against each other can genuinely turn things around.
Then we hear from Sara-Louise Ackrill and Bontle Senne, AuDHD therapists, writers, and advocates and co-authors of The ND Lovers Club. They talk about psychological safety, masking in relationships, self-disclosure, and why understanding yourself is always the foundation before you can truly connect with someone else.
And we close with Dr Angela Wright, a trauma-trained clinical sexologist, sex medicine practitioner and menopause clinician, who talks honestly about how hormones, the nervous system and ADHD all intersect when it comes to desire, intimacy and what changes in midlife.
In this episode, we cover:
Why neurodivergence is often present in both partners, even when only one has a diagnosis
How to move from blame to teamwork in a neurodiverse relationship
Lisa's concept of the "talk nook" and why having a dedicated space for connection matters
Why psychological safety is the foundation of intimacy for neurodivergent people
How masking and people pleasing quietly erode intimacy over time
What self-disclosure in relationships and dating really looks like for ND women
Why so many neurodivergent women are reconsidering traditional relationship structures
How hormones and perimenopause affect desire, arousal and connection
Why the ADHD brain's need for novelty and dopamine can complicate long term relationships
How the nervous system underpins sexual arousal, and why feeling safe comes first
Timestamps:
00:00 - Welcome and introduction to this week's compilation episode
03:30 - Lisa Rabinowitz: why both partners are often neurodivergent
05:47 - Moving from blame to understanding in a neurodiverse relationship
08:00 - How couples come back from the brink with awareness and teamwork
10:15 - The three legged race: working toward the finish line together
14:48 - Focusing on strengths and creating the talk nook
16:29 - Sara-Louise Ackrill and Bontle Senne: psychological safety in relationships
20:53 - Why masking is survival, not a quirky personality trait
23:27 - Self-disclosure: what to share, when and why
28:27 - How perimenopause and diagnosis collide in midlife relationships
33:04 - Celebrating the traits neurodivergent women bring to relationships
34:33 - Dr Angela Wright: dopamine, novelty and desire in long term relationships
37:00 - How hormones affect arousal and what changes in perimenopause
41:22 - The nervous system, safety and why emergency mode kills desire
Links and Resources:
Find my popular ADHD workshops and resources on my website here.
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @adhd_womenswellbeing_pod
Get my book, The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit (also available in ebook and audiobook) here
Join the More Yourself membership community here
Visit Lisa's website: counselorforcouples.com
Connect with Lisa on Instagram: @rabinowitzcounseling
Get Lisa's book: Why Won't You Stop Interrupting Me? Simple Solutions for ADHD Couples
Visit Sara-Louise and Bontle's website: builttodiverge.com
Get their book: The ND Lovers Club: How Neurodivergent Women Lust, Like and Love
Visit Dr Angela Wright's website: spicedpearhealth.co.uk
Kate Moryoussef is a women's ADHD lifestyle and wellbeing coach, author and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed women with ADHD find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity, and clarity.
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