What does open adoption actually mean, and what happens when fear gets in the way of staying connected? Annie Iverson, adoptive mom of four and creator of Write It & Remember It, joins us to talk honestly about openness, boundaries, and the small, sustainable habits that keep birth family connections alive.
Episode Bullets
Openness lives on a spectrum, from a card a few times a year to regular visits. There's no single "right" version of it.
Three common misconceptions about open adoption: it means co-parenting, it's all or nothing, and it's mainly for the birth mom (it's really for the child).
Keeping the child at the center means letting their questions, not the adults' comfort, drive the connection.
A simple four-times-a-year rhythm (birthdays, a holiday, Birth Mother's Day, and one more) helps families stay consistent without overthinking it.
"Something is better than nothing": an imperfect photo or a short text still counts as connection.
Fear, of saying the wrong thing, of being judged, is often the biggest barrier, not logistics.
If contact has faded or gone quiet, it's never too late to reach back out through the agency.
Annie created Cards That Connect and the Birthday Interview Cards to make staying in touch simple and sustainable for other families.
Resources Mentioned
Write It & Remember It — Cards That Connect + Birthday Interview Cards
Birthday Interview Cards & Book
Digital Cards That Connect
Free Guide: Keeping the Connection After Placement (PDF)
Annie on Instagram
Promo code: CONNECT20 for 20% off (Annie's gift to ETC listeners)
Timestamps
00:03:29 — What "openness" really means
00:07:39 — Three misconceptions about open adoption
00:16:20 — Keeping the child at the center (the birth mom & shoe-size story)
00:21:43 — The four-times-a-year rhythm for staying consistent
00:22:52 — "Something is better than nothing"
00:32:18 — Fear as the biggest obstacle to staying connected
00:34:06 — What to do when contact has faded
00:41:52 — Letting go of the "hero" narrative
If this episode encouraged you, share it with another parent who needs to hear it. For more support on connected, trauma-informed parenting, check out our Connecting Practices Handbook and the Cultivate Connection course.
Chapters
(00:00:00) - Annie Iverson on Empowered to Connect
(00:01:45) - What is an Open Adoption?
(00:03:04) - What Does Open Adoption Mean?
(00:04:42) - Open adoption and biological family
(00:07:40) - 3 Main misconceptions about Open Adoption
(00:11:29) - What Kind of Contact Should Birthmother Have With Her Child?
(00:16:18) - Open Adoption: Keeping the Child at the Center
(00:20:21) - How to Keep the Open Adoption Relationship
(00:25:52) - The Birth Mother's Cards
(00:29:13) - Birth Mother Cards!
(00:31:55) - Open Adoption: The Challenges
(00:39:21) - Open Adoption: When Your Daughter Gives Up Her Story
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