What if the parent report card you've been grading yourself on this whole time was never actually yours to fill out?
Episode summary bullets:
Nicole Barlow, longtime foster and adoptive mom and one of our Cultivate Connection facilitators, shares how she went from feeling like a "rockstar" foster parent to realizing she was in way over her head.
Why the peer-to-peer model at the heart of Cultivate Connection matters: none of us are exempt from putting these tools into practice in our own homes.
The weight of being watched. Nicole opens up about neighbors, strangers, and offhand comments that shaped how she saw her own parenting.
How Nicole's understanding of Scripture around obedience and discipline shifted over time (a perspective she shares from her own faith journey).
Redefining success: from "my kids are compliant" to "does my adult child still call me, even from a hard place?"
Why a compliant kid isn't always a regulated kid, and what Nicole wishes she'd noticed sooner in her own home.
Dysregulation isn't disobedience: a look at fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, and why repair matters more than perfection.
Nicole and Jesse's honest conversation about social media, comparison, and the images of parenting we quietly measure ourselves against.
Nicole's closing encouragement for any parent white-knuckling their way through this season: "It's not yours to carry."
00:00 – Meet Nicole Barlow and her foster and adoptive journey
09:53 – From "I've got this" to feeling completely in over her head
18:13 – Faith, obedience, and the pressure of what other people think
26:31 – What "successful mom" used to mean to Nicole, and what changed
33:08 – Why her most compliant kid taught her the most about trauma
39:07 – Redefining success as relationship, not response
48:36 – Nicole's word for any parent white-knuckling it right now
Connect line: Find more trauma-informed parenting tools and connect with our community at http://empoweredtoconnect.org or follow along on Instagram @empoweredtoconnect.
Chapters
(00:00:05) - Empowered to Connect: Nicole Barlow on Foster Parents
(00:03:22) - How to Train the Trainer
(00:10:07) - Coming soon: Learning to Love Yourself
(00:10:31) - What Made You Feel Bad About Your Parenting?
(00:19:21) - Anglicans on Parenting
(00:26:46) - Paula on Being a Successful Parent
(00:35:59) - Fight or Flight: Dysregulation and How to Support It
(00:39:10) - What Does That Look Like to Be a Successful Mom?
(00:41:20) - "So Much of Success Is Staked on Connection With My Child
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