We're back for Part 2 — and this time, we're getting into the practice. What does reciprocity in friendship actually look like when you're not just talking about it, but living it?
Lola tells the story of sensing "a disturbance in the force" and reaching out to Christabel — a micro-rupture that could've gone sideways five years ago but instead became a masterclass in showing up for your people. Kachi shares why she's not afraid to look someone in the eye and say, "Would you like to be friends with me? Could you show up for me in this way?" — and why that directness makes people deeply uncomfortable. We talk about building care infrastructure (yes, including setting up your own meal train before surgery), why "let me know what you need" is not enough, and how to be the friend who shows up even when you don't know how.
Then we go there: GoFundMe ethics, mutual aid, and what community responsibility actually looks like when people take without reciprocating.
Christabel grounds the conversation in ancestral practice — from West African village structures to susu collective savings — and reminds us that none of us are well under capitalism, white supremacy, or colonialism, so maybe we should stop treating friendship like a test and start treating it like infrastructure.
We close with friendship evolution: how to navigate the grief of becoming different people, whether you need to have "the closing conversation" or just close the tab, and why Lola is learning to X out of relationships without guilt. Plus, a rapid-fire round on the friendship practices we're cultivating, letting go of, and what friendship liberation looks like.
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Stay connected:
Instagram: @richqueeraunties | @christabelmintahgalloway | @Qingkachi
Catch you in the next one.
XO,
Christabel & Kachi.
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Keywords: adult friendship, friendship as a practice, friendship and consent, rupture and repair in friendship, proximity vs. intimacy, queer friendship, Black friendship, friendship boundaries, community vs. friendship, parasocial relationships, acquaintance vs. friend, Rich Queer Aunties, friendship skills, making friends after leaving religion, friendship and migration
