Do you think about your therapist between sessions? Check their social media? Spiral when they cancel? A licensed therapist explains why attachment to your therapist happens, why it's actually part of the process, and the exact signs that tell you when it's crossed into unhealthy territory.
In this episode of Ask Kati Anything, licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton breaks down the therapeutic relationship: the single strongest predictor of whether therapy actually works. She answers listener questions about feeling "creepy" for looking up their therapist, why therapy can feel transactional and fake, and what therapists are really noticing about you in session. Then she walks through the attachment ladder, the four stages that explain why your therapist starts to feel like the only person who truly gets you, and closes with a complete checklist of healthy vs. unhealthy therapeutic relationship signs.
TIMESTAMPS
0:00 What is the therapeutic relationship?
1:21 The #1 predictor of successful therapy
2:26 Q1: "I'm attached to my therapist and feel like a creep"
5:52 Attachment wounds: why your therapist fills the void
11:54 What your therapist is actually noticing in session
15:20 Q2: "I feel closer to my therapist than anyone in my life"
16:56 The attachment ladder: 4 stages of attaching to your therapist
23:13 Q3: "Therapy feels transactional and the care feels bought"
28:21 Why you need to put the phone down and just think
31:17 Q4: "My therapist rescheduled and I spiraled for days"
32:47 What a therapist's role actually is (and isn't)
35:25 Signs of a HEALTHY therapeutic relationship
42:17 Signs of an UNHEALTHY therapeutic relationship
49:08 Why boundaries in therapy matter so much
53:06 How to make sure therapy works for you
THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY REBOUND
Rebound offers virtual, evidence-based treatment for PTSD with trauma-specialist therapists, in-network with most major insurance plans in all 50 states. Check your insurance or get matched: Head to https://hellorebound.com/askkatianything to check your insurance or get matched with a therapist.
RESEARCH & RESOURCES
Psychotherapy and Therapeutic Relationship https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK608012/
Perceived therapist genuineness predicts therapeutic alliance in cognitive behavioural therapy for psychosis
https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/bjc.12059
The Relationship Between Attachment Needs, Earned Secure
https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2025-18086-004.html
Client and Therapist Attachment Styles and Working Alliance
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cpp.1944
The experience of closeness and distance in the therapeutic relationship of patients with different attachment classifications https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1029783/full
ASK KATI YOUR QUESTION
Leave your question in the comments below and it may be answered on an upcoming episode.
MY BOOKS & WORKSHOPS https://katimorton.com
THERAPY
If you're looking for a therapist, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed online professional: https://betterhelp.com/kati - Enjoy 10% off your first month!
(this is an affiliate link, which means a portion of your signup helps support the podcast at no extra cost to you)SOCIALS
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PARTNERSHIPS
Nick Freeman | nick@biglittlemedia.co
DISCLAIMER
The information provided in this video is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or mental health advice. It should not be used to diagnose or treat any health problem or disease. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for diagnosis and treatment. Viewing this content does not establish a therapist-client relationship.
#therapy #mentalhealth #katimorton
Ask Kati Anything ep. 323 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT
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