What if the way you respond to love isn’t a character flaw - but an adaptation your nervous system learned long ago?
In this episode of Rewire Your Attachment Style, I’m thrilled to welcome Diane Poole Heller, PhD, one of the leading voices in attachment theory, trauma resolution, and relational healing.
Diane has spent decades helping people understand how early attachment experiences shape the way we connect, protect ourselves, regulate our emotions, and experience intimacy. She is the creator of the Dynamic Attachment Repatterning experience (DARe) and the author of The Power of Attachment and Healing Your Attachment Wounds, as well as the forthcoming Attachment Workbook.
In our conversation, we explore what actually happens in our nervous system when attachment wounds are activated - and, most importantly, how we can begin to create new experiences of safety, connection, and secure love.
We talk about:
💗 The four attachment styles and how Diane understands the unique adaptations behind each one.
💗 What it really means to become more securely attached—and what actually changes in the nervous system as we move from insecurity toward greater security.
💗 Healing the fear of abandonment and what happens in the body when our attachment system is activated.
💗 What to do when you’re triggered by your partner and suddenly feel transported back into an old trauma or attachment experience.
💗 Self-regulation for anxious attachers - especially when your nervous system desperately wants to seek reassurance or co-regulation from another person.
💗 Why avoidant partners can sometimes become hyperfocused on their partner’s flaws - and what can help interrupt that pattern.
💗 How to communicate your needs in a way that supports connection rather than activating defensiveness in your partner.
💗 How to become more attracted to people who are safe, loving, grounded, and emotionally available, especially if you’ve historically been drawn to relationships that activate your wounds.
💗 The powerful relationship between attachment and sexuality, including how becoming more securely attached can transform our sexual experiences and intimacy.
Diane also shares personal insight into her own attachment journey, including ways her relationship patterns have evolved over time.
This is such a rich conversation for anyone who wants to understand themselves more deeply, heal old relationship patterns, and create relationships that feel safer, more connected, and more alive.
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